Life with Colin Derrig

Not strictly a "dry" run for the Smartarse filming this coming Friday, in that I believe only the Genius Amanuensis abstained from the demonic drinking. I pitted my team against the finest brains in Club Derrig that night, plus the Lady Jojojo, Tallulah, Braisers, Twin of Evil No.1, and John "Johnno" Dolan. Bazza "Well-Clever" Lyons, managed his team very effectively into a comprehensive defeat by yours truly and the Ant/Dec Lovechild Tim "Bert" Uchi, after I had sacrificed four of my prawns to give the losers a false sense of superiority. All in all a triumph of right over guesswork and grubby corruption.Ladies, check ... Read Full Story

O, the ignominy! There was I, soaking in the culture of an episode of Smartarses on the Club Derrig TV when I was called upon to shift my "lardy butt" by Tallulah, and erect something enticing, warm, and colourful. Without the aid of safety clothing apparel or any kind of protective headgear, I leapt upon a chair and raised my arms just to the right height that my Kalvin Clein's waistband was exposed. A titter ran round the room as my hero - Sir Frankie Howerd - was wont to declare. All-in-all a festive display of gargantuan proportionality. Nice decs, too.Ladies, check me out ... Read Full Story

I am rather busy editing the video footage I got at this year's Club Derrig Xmas bash, gathered through the medium of a concealed camera about my person. From the rushes so far, this should make for very candid viewing, and I will be posting it in full tomorrow for anyone interested, so check back then. In the meantime, here's a verbatim report from Tallulah taken direct from the soundtrack of Friday night's film and how everyone let themselves down big time. (I should add that the film only makes things worse.) Tallulah writes: O stumbling drunkeness. Hey! Look - here's Stephy! Stephy-Wephy, my ... Read Full Story

Ladies, check me out - I'm a good catch. E-mail me for a questionnaire so that I can assess your suitability. Read Full Story

Ladies, check me out - I'm a good catch. E-mail me for a questionnaire so that I can assess your suitability. Read Full Story