The Hoochie Oppression

The barista ,at the truck stop coffee shop off I-10, south of Phoenix, has figured out the only reason I stop by is to watch her scurry around in traditional Arizona hoochie garb—denim short shorts and cowgirl boots. Of course, it is also often my attire of choice. So the wholesomely hoochie barista, being a psych major at Arizona State, says my crushing is indicative of narcissism.

Duh—but she is the kind of enthusiastic smart hoochie that any University should be proud of.

I am sure there are those at Arizona State who do appreciate the girl, but that is not the case with every hoochie which attends that particular institution of higher learning.

The cheerleaders, who are encouraged to shake their moneymakers at University sponsored events, have been axed because they posed for an unauthorized booty shot, that got flashed around the Internet:



Only in Arizona, the same state where one town banned Victoria's Secret posters, could a bunch of healthy looking young women get their bottoms slapped for revealing less flesh than does the attire required by the Lake Havasu dress code:



But, it just goes to show, it's not always easy being a hoochie.

In Houston, seventeen year old Beyonce wannabe Marche Taylor got led away from her prom in handcuffs before anyone even had a chance to spike the punch:



There is no question the gown was highly hoochie, and almost as revealing as Tiffany Sheppard's Gilligan-Island-Meets-Hooters moonlighting uniform, and I would understand if she had been arrested for a crime against fashion, but I think it was a bit much to call in the local constabulary.

The scene of the crime was the Sugar Land Marriott:



Well, at least the dress matched the decor.

Marche designed the prom dress herself, and in a retro hoochie kind of way, it was pretty good, and she is a stunning young woman.

And she did agree to wrap the train around her long legs, after being stopped at the gate by the chaperon.

But then they said the reason she was denied permission to attend her senior prom was lack of underwear. The girl says, unlike some well known LA hoochies, she was wearing panties, so I guess they meant brassiere.

That's a crock. The vast majority of prom dresses are strapless, spaghetti strappie or some kind of halter top—and unless a girl seriously needs it-- a bra is a serious pain in the caboose.

They just thought she was a hoochie.

But when Miss Taylor didn't take the denial (and refusal to refund the price of her ticket) quietly and demurely—the school called in the local police.

She was given a choice of jail or home. Marche went home and the prom went on without any overt hoochiness.

And Madison High School's fat principal, Aubrey Todd, is quite satisfied that justice was served.

But he has just sealed the fate of Texas, which has already been forsaken by god after they failed to put Kinky Friedman in the governor's mansion.