Maria Conchita Alonso Is Not Afraid Of Menopause. So We’ll Be Terrified Alone.

Maria Conchita Alonso is preparing for the onset of menopause (Or MENTALPAUSE as someone super hilarious once referred to it. Someone get that kid a gig on According to Jim.) by talking to tabloid weeklies. Kind of like how we prepare for our period by talking to Us Weekly. And then eating a still-living goat.

M.A.C. was literally asked, “Maria Conchita, as a woman who ignites passion in others, does it affect you to receive scripts for mom roles?” She responds that she would even play a grandmother. SHE’S AMAZING. She ain’t afraid of aging! And she’s even less afraid of paying a little visit to the plastic surgeon / Willets Point chop shop to continue facing age unafraid. And, because this is Maria Conchita Alonso, the interviewer let it slip that that, for some, PASSION grows more PASSIONATE when PASSIONATE women find themselves in the throes of menopause, PASSIONATELY. M.A.C. responded by giggling and then slowly devouring the interviewer’s head.

Jesus Christ, it’s 2009 and people still have no idea how to talk to women. Yeah, she’s aging. It happens. Sometimes (rarely) even to men. God forbid the aging process have some sort of impact on Maria Conchita Alonso as a sexual object.

We’ll let you in on something, though: We’re looking forward to aging. And replacing our husband’s Viagra with Runts. Old age is pretty much the only time since early childhood (one would hope) that we can don’t have to worry about being seen as sexy or sexual or sensuous or PASSIONATE. We can just be old and flatulent and brittle. Like we are now, kinda. But in a more socially acceptable manner. 

No Le Asusta La Menopausia [TVyNovelas, print]