Hundreds Of Mark Sanford Emails Reveal He’s As Pussy-Whipped As You Thought

Hundreds of emails from South Carolina governor Mark Sanford’s account show that he jumped through major hoops last summer to get his Jesus-loving ass down to Buenos Aires where he already admitted he saw his girlfriend, Maria Belén Chapur.

The emails were provided by the state Commerce Department through a Freedom of Information request and obtained by the Washington Post under the public records law. God bless Amurica. But what do they reveal? That ain’t no mountain high enough to keep a pussy-whipped man from the object of his desire.

• First, the governor piggy-backed onto a trade meeting scheduled in Brazil where, presumably South Carolina would discuss exporting their abundant supply of palm fronds and racism.

• Then, he got the group to organize a hunting trip to Argentina, so add “countless doves” to the body count of this sordid tale.

• Brilliantly, the governor backed out of the hunting trip at the last minute with a staffer of his informing the group that Sanford preferred to “make calls” from his hotel. And by that he meant, “fuck his girlfriend.” Hey, we’ve all been there. Which would you rather do? Shoot a bird or “shoot a bird?” (We can’t turn off the quotation marks machine.)

• Then, just to be on the safe side, two weeks before he left for Argentina, Sanford’s people told the U.S. Embassy in Buenos Aires there was no need for any formal welcome. “Just a drink,” would do. How rude. “Listen, Bill, I’d love to hobnob with you and your wife, but I’ve got a chicken to bang and the meter’s running.”

The Washington Post elaborates:

“The Governor is perfectly content with meeting for a drink, or something to that effect,” rather than having dinner, [State employee S. Ford] Graham wrote. He added that Sanford did not mind having a full schedule on Thursday, June 26, “but would prefer that Friday be a little more low key.”

Sanford’s itinerary for Friday, June 27 indicates that he planned to do self-guided sightseeing. He has since admitted that he spent that day with his girlfriend, Maria Belén Chapur.

“Self-guided” our ass. That’s for back in Columbus with the wife snoring away next to ya.  Hehe. Anyway, there you have it, folks.  Mark Sanford, the Where’s Waldo of adultery.

In Argentina, Sanford Sought Light Agenda [Washington Post]
State e-mails detail SC gov’s Argentina plans [AP]