Don't Cry for Mark Sanford Argentina

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Since South Carolina is not Italy, Governor Mark Sanford is in deep ka ka. The adulterous banging of an Argentine firecracker is the the final political blow for the governor—and further dims the exceedingly dismal hopes for a Republican Reformation.

However, there was a palpable sigh of relief in the press conference room when Sanford said "she" and not "he".

Not that things were going all that well anyway—the Democrats hated Sanford because he was fiscally conservative, and the bulk of the Republican legislature felt the same way—they are big spending social conservatives—Huck is their man. The legislature forced Sanford to accept Obama's stimulus money—and the legislative battle stressed him out so much he sought relief from the pain in Argentina.

It was the moment the dominant Holy Rolling wing of the South Carolina Republican Party had been waiting for. Despite the governor's put down of the “South Carolina is so gay” tourism project, they always suspected he might be a surreptitious agent of the Gay Agenda---even though, to a one, they don't seem to realize that their senator, Lindsay Graham, is so gay (who Mark Sanford, to his credit, criticized when Lindsay went off on a libertarian-bashing tirade).

Sanford always had the requisite god talk down (and frequently invoked it in his shameful press conference today) but he also, from time to time, talked about how the Republican Party's position on gay issues is driving young voters away. Yep—bigotry, like adultery, is a turn off.

Among some people there was hope that libertarian-leaning politicians like Sanford and Representative Jeff Flake would become the new voice of the Republican Party, and the clerics would be asked to move to the back of the bus.

But alas--Mark will rightfully be thrown under the bus—where he will join the pile of roadkill composed of public officials like Creepy McGreevey and Eliot Spitzer.

Times have changed since the 1970's when House power-broker Wilbur Mills was caught “cavorting in the Tidal Basin with Fanne Foxe, the Argentine Firecracker.” He didn't resign, wasn't disciplined—in fact he was reelected. However Wilbur Mills never pretended to walk on the right hand side of God the Father.

In these dreary days of semi-closeted congressmen pounding out one-handed text messages to teenage pages Americans are sick and tired of these hypocritical moral authorities lecturing us on how to be better Christians—especially if, like Mark Sanford, they are not so much doing it out of some psychic self-delusion, but as an intentional effort to gain political favor.

In Mark Sanford's press conference he apologized to God and everyone in the world except one person—the Argentine Firecracker.

I doubt he realizes what a schmuck that makes him.

Perhaps she is the only person crying for Mark Sanford.