Kwame Kilpatrick’s Jumpoff released from jail

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last year, you have heard about Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick’s affair and public ousting from office. Yesterday, his lover, other woman, whatever you want to call her, was released from jail after serving 70 days of her 90 day sentence. With her lawyer and pastor at her side, Christine Beatty was released with 5 years probation and a $100,000 debt to Detroit for obstruction of justice.

To recap: Christine and Kwame were having an affair. They were taking secret trips to West Virginia. (W.Virgina why?..that’s whack) A police officer started an investigation. Christine, the Mayor’s Chief of Staff at the time, fired the officer to cover up the story. He sued the city, they went to court, Christine and Kwame lied under oath stating they didn’t have an affair, the truth came out, and they went to jail.

So here is where Christine and Kwame went wrong…

• Never ever (eva eva) utilize a company/city/government owned cell phone to send sexual messages.
• My friends, never lie under oath. You can get off for murder (OJ), peeing on a minor (R.kelly), not paying taxes (W.Snipes) BUT, you can NOT lie under oath.
• Please, if you’re going to kill the stripper who danced at the Mayors mansion, please do so in a discreet manner. Kwame, DISCRETION is KEY!
• Again, in line with bullet point #3, if you’re going to fire the lead investigator researching the death of the stripper at the mayor’s mansion, do so in a discreet manner.
• Thou shall not pay your boys from the hood body guards over $100k each. Red flag friend, red flag.
• Most importantly, don’t write down anythingggg that you wouldn’t want someone to see. Send the message via a bird, put it in a bottle, use sign language but do not utilize text messages or email for that matter. Hell the world wide web, facebook!

Honestly, my heart goes out to Christine. As immoral as it may be to have an affair with a married man, no one deserves their private thoughts to be ousted to the world. Once the Detroit Free Press got wind of the story, we knew for sure that Kwame was a good lover. We knew that she liked it from the back. We knew that she wanted him to ejaculate on her face and chest. And these things, we should not have known.

In true political fashion, Kwame’s wife appeared beside him in a press conference, and stated she was standing by her man. Kwame has since moved to the ritzy outskirts of Dallas, and has secured a high paying corporate position. Unfortunately for Christine, she has no job prospects. In fact, the court has ordered that she can not attend law school during her 5 years probation.

Watch the video to hear a comical version of the text messages.

(Lord forgive me for posting this video)