Disney Gives Microsoft New CIO, Microsoft Gives Disney New Toy (Vista)

Microsoft has confirmed that it has stolen (um . . . hired) Disney’s current CIO, Tony Scott. He replaces Microsoft’s old CIO, Stuart Scott, who was canned for ‘violating internal company policies’ - meaning he committed one of the following offenses:

• Surfed porn in his office
• Did not upgrade to Vista as ordered
• Dual booted his company PC with Linux
• Bought a MAC for home
• Used an IPod instead of his company issued Zune (which he couldn’t sync with other Zune users because it requires you to ask them if it’s OK to transfer songs, then you can only play it 3 or so times before having to purchase it . . . don’t get me started!)

First of all, does anyone else find it amazing that the new CIO has the same last name (Scott) as the old one? Great Scott! What are the odds?

Here’s my theory. Microsoft had no choice in the matter. Don’t think of ‘Scott’ as a mere last name. Rather, it is a backward acronym (ttocs) which stands for Today Test Our Crappy Software.

Second, it is astonishing that Microsoft was unable to promote someone from within its vast IT organization, especially since internal promotions are standard practice for them. Clearly, no one with the last name of ‘Scott’ was promotable. But there had to be at least one guy with the first name of ‘Scott’ worthy of the position. I suspect the reason for the fresh face is that IT staff at Microsoft have watched the infamous Steve Balmer video too many times, and are completely hyped up on Red Bull and Cheez-Its. Watch this video if you don’t know what I’m talking about.

Back to the story . . .

The following beneficial changes top the new CIO’s ToDo list:

• Daily self affirmation and reflection hour for MS staff - “We are good enough, our software is perfect as is, Google and Apple suck, and you will be assimilated”
• Implementation of Nap time after lunch for all IT staff, which will improve play time quality in the afternoon
• Replacing all servers and Operating Systems with Sun Microsystem workstations, thereby immensely improving up-time for Windows Genuine Advantage validation server
• IPhones for IT staff at Microsoft - synced with Gmail accounts, of course
• ZunePhones for Microsoft executives
• Mandatory cruises (in lieu of vacation days) on Disney’s cruise liner
• Goofy stress balls for IT
• ressurrection of Microsoft Bob . . . Remember that? Believe it or not, it lives on even under Windows XP

We have high expectations for you, Mr. Scott. Good luck, and remember that we’re all counting on you. Keep the systems up and Windows running because we can’t afford MAC laptops.