New Porn Channel Comes to Canada

A new porn channel was approved by the CRTC, the Canadian Radio-Television Telecommunications Commission, a body responsible for ensuring that no-body inadvertently sees a-body. Who these people are, is anyone’s guess, but like its FCC counterpart in the US they’re the ones responsible for ‘calling fellatio a trouser-friendly kiss’ (click here for the engaging Family Guy FCC-slamming sing-a-long) and generally looking out for our best interests, because as intelligent, capable human beings we are unable to do so.

This development, not surprisingly, has run afoul of certain ‘old media‘, as hemorrhoid-courting bluenoses who haven’t gotten their laps wet since someone tipped over a coffee mug, are again sounding the alarm over this ‘abomination’.

Unlike old media, pornography has changed and adapted to new systems of delivery and getting one’s innards in a knot over some channel nobody will watch, is akin to the FAA focusing their efforts on hang-gliding, rather than passenger jets. In case they didn’t get the memo, a charmingly dated phrase that unfortunately isn’t as far as many of these people are concerned: the vast majority of people get their porn online.

So-called ‘direct correlations between crimes of rape’ and the proliferation of pornographic materials argument is an incredibly patronizing non-starter, as, just like horror films, pot, or violent video games, etc, the overwhelming majority consume them safely and without ill effects.

The Calgary Herald even used the phrase ‘virtual reality’, a term you won’t have heard anywhere if you missed the release of The Lawnmower Man onto DVD, and advocates ‘writing to your own cable provider’ [name and address available on your monthly bill (!)] in protest.

Anyone in our demographic, that is to say, anyone familiar with the Interweb, sends one piece of mail per year and it’s not even a letter: It’s a tax form, and even that has gone by the wayside the more people file online.

The only thing left for them to scream about (and this is the only time many of them will even get to use that tone of voice) is policing the internet, whenever they get around to discovering its existence–say, 12-15 years from now.

So, a round of applause (or the sound of one hand clapping) in welcoming Northern Peaks to Canadian television, and kudos for not using that semi-aquatic rodent in your application.