Mo'Kelly's Not Buying the Mr. & Mrs. Nick Cannon Sham

Somebody please explain the whole “Nick Cannon” phenomenon to Mo’Kelly.

Please…

Not that there’s anything “wrong” with him per se, it’s just not exactly clear why he’s famous.

He’s not really a “movie star”…Drumline + Love Don’t Cost a Thing + The Underclassman do not a “movie star” equate.

He’s not a “television star” in truth either. All That, Wild ‘n Out and Short Circuitz aren’t exactly stirring any Emmy banter or being mistaken for ratings behemoths. Rumor has it that he even had a self-titled television show, The Nick Cannon Show, and a self-titled CD, Nick Cannon though Mo’Kelly can neither confirm nor deny the existence of either. The alleged “success” and existence of both are not verifiable. If somebody can prove the existence of either, feel free to forward the proof to Mo'Kelly. In other words, at best neither was around long enough to be remembered.

Oh yeah, he was engaged to Selita Ebanks...that should be worth mentioning. Props to him for that.

And speaking of Ebanks, she is the perfect transition and jump-off point…

(no jump-off pun intended…kinda sorta…maybe…well ok, you twisted Mo’Kelly’s arm. It was intended)

Selita Ebanks was proposed to by the aforementioned Nick Cannon one year ago TODAY (May 7^th). One year ago, Ebanks was reading Cannon’s marriage proposal on the jumbotron in Times Square.

She accepted.

One year ago today, Cannon wanted to spend the rest of his life with a Victoria’s Secret model. Can’t say Mo’Kelly blames him, but let the record reflect, that as late as October of 2007 (the engagement was broken off October 4), Cannon was “sure” he wanted spend the rest of his life with Selita Ebanks.

Usually people don’t arbitrarily change who they’re willing to commit the rest of the lives to every six months.

Usually that is…

In April of this year, (just 6 months later) Cannon became engaged to Mariah Carey…a woman with far more frequent flier miles than Ebanks or even twice-removed former flame Christina Milian. And Mo’Kelly doesn’t mean “miles” in an American Airlines sense…Mo’Kelly means in an Mottola-Jeter-Miguel et al. “Airlines” sense.

Take that however you want…but Mo’Kelly’s just sayin’…

It’s not serendipity.

And Mo’Kelly isn’t saying necessarily that Nick Cannon is trying to trade up on the women he’s involved with, simply because each successive one is more high-profile in nature. Mo'Kelly would NEVER allege such a thing.

Christina Milian to Kim Kardashian to Selita Ebanks to Mariah Carey. Hmm…

That that however you want…but Mo’Kelly’s just sayin’…

It’s not serendipity.

Conversely, Mariah Carey in her continuing attempts to appeal to the “younger” generation wears fewer clothes each successive CD cover and now her “husband” was born AFTER the song Rapper’s Delight by the Sugarhill Gang came out. And don’t be surprised if Carey also “happens” to make a cameo appearance on the television show Nip/Tuck and has purchased stock in Adobe to help fund the improvement of Photoshop.

Take that however you want…but Mo’Kelly’s just sayin…

And what do you know, Carey’s latest CD E=MC2 was available for purchase April 15^th…the same month she became married. What a coincidence! Amazing how life can come together so “perfectly.” Wow…more “serendipity!”

Who manages to get married and release a CD in the same month? No, the question is, who in their right mind has the time or the inclination to do both?

Exactly Mo’Kelly’s point. Who in their RIGHT MIND...remember that phrase. It's a legitimate question that can go either way in its answer.

Oh, that’s right…when a celebrity unexpectedly becomes “engaged” or “married” it means their name is mentioned daily on every gossip website while speculation abounds as to where the truth begins and ends. More free press and interview requests are to be had when rumors swirl about a whirlwind romance and supposed engagement. All the more opportunities to appear on television and radio…while also mentioning the approaching release date for a CD.

Serendipity or contrived career engineering (on both parts)?

Mo’Kelly votes for the latter. Google “Mariah Carey Marries Nick Cannon” and count how many pages pop up. Literally, do the math.

Remember this is the same woman who “happened” to “fall in love and marry” the president of Sony Music, Tommy Mottola. This is the same woman who still is trying to make us forget the movie Glitter. She may want to act like it never happened, but Mo’Kelly’s is not going to EVER let that go. The moment Mariah reimburses Mo’Kelly the $20 for the two movie tickets and popcorn he was forced to buy by his girlfriend back then is the moment Mo’Kelly acts like Glitter never happened.

Along those same lines, the preponderance of evidence here is such that this marriage is NOT one of a tell-tale celebrity quickie marriage; but one of a well-oiled publicity machine created specifically for the mutual career benefit of both involved.

Mariah Carey is trying to remain relevant to 15 year old music purchasers while Nick Cannon simultaneously attempts to ascend to heights higher than C-list celebrity.

There’s nothing wrong with using the publicity machine to catapult or further catapult one’s career…in truth, that’s what it’s for. But remember, it was Mariah Carey who said:

"I've really, really learned the importance of having people around who love me for who I am, not because they see me as a celebrity or a meal ticket,"

(Mo’Kelly – Though it was just fine when it was Tommy Mottola as president of Sony Music…having HIM around you and catapulting your career was acceptable right? Newsflash: you are now Nick Cannon’s meal ticket)

"I'd be doing interviews all day long, getting two hours of sleep a night, if that. I was burning the candle at both ends and in the middle, and it caught up with me.

Yes, I was in a bad place emotionally, but anyone would be at that point of total physical depletion. I began seeing a therapist, and he told me, 'Look, you didn't have a nervous breakdown. It's a form of torture not to be allowed to sleep.' He said I had to start setting boundaries in life, to learn how to say no.”

- Mariah Carey in USAToday 11.28.2002

(Mo’Kelly – But you NOW can ‘balance’ all-day interviews, while ALSO getting married? You “date” Nick Cannon for 20 minutes and say “yes” to getting married?! Who’s foolin’ who here?)

But years later, when it was “convenient”…she credited her “non-breakdown” that she supposedly didn’t have as then a breakdown and ALSO a “breakthrough.”

"I consider the breakdown a breakthrough. I needed to hit rock bottom. I needed to understand the cost of pushing so hard; fighting so hard against the system.

"But was I out of control at that moment? Yes."

- Mariah Carey in SF Gate 8.22.2007

(Mo’Kelly – Was it a breakdown or not?! Either Mo’Kelly or Mariah’s crazy, because it surely can’t be both. As to who of us is…Mo’Kelly’s never been hospitalized accordingly TWICE. Use THAT as a hint. If you are hospitalized TWICE, weeks apart, while bookending your stints with unexplainable, aberrant behavior…that equates to a BREAKDOWN, and NOT a BREAKTHROUGH. At no time is going from the top of the charts, top of your career to GLITTER and the hospital TWICE to be considered a “breakthrough.”)

Britney Spears is not in the midst of a “breakthrough.” Lindsay Lohan is not in the midst of a “breakthrough.”

Excuse Mo’Kelly’s grammar, but “them chicks be is crazy.”

...And so is Mariah (still). You can't fool Mo'Kelly. Mo'Kelly's not buying the Mr. & Mrs. Nick Cannon Contrived Career-Builder/Saver Scam-Sham.

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The Mo'Kelly Report is an entertainment journal with a political slant; published weekly at www.eurweb.com. It is meant to inform, infuse and incite meaningful discourse...as well as entertain. The Mo’Kelly Report is syndicated by Newstex and Blogburst. For more Mo’Kelly, http://www.mokellyreport.blogspot.com.

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Morris W. O'Kelly can be reached at mokellyreport@sbcglobal.net and he welcomes all commentary.