You'd Think They Could Have Sent a Bus or Something

Inner Monologue of a Women’s 20K Race Walker

Start: This is so exciting!. I can’t believe all those years of training have led up to this! Walking here, walking there. Refusing lifts from friends just so I could walk some more . Even this rain doesn’t seem so bad. At least it’s not snow. LOL

500m: Damn these are some fast chicks! They said the competition would be tough, but wow. Oh, well. All part of the experience right?

1K: I’m hitting my stride now. My shoes got soaked faster than I thought. The leader is moving ahead, but I’m still in with the group. Hey, is she running?

2K: Okay, I’m sure she’s running. And this one is too. Bitch! Oh, now she’s stopped. Now the Japanese girl is running. Wait, she’s stopped. What the frig?

3K: Aid station? Very funny. Can’t you see I’m soaked? It’s like racing in a fucking aquarium out here.

4K: So they are all running, these whores. As soon as we pass an umpire every bitch in the pack starts to jog. Five or six quick steps then they settle down. Damn! Why didn’t anyone explain this to me?

5K: A quarter of the way and I’m still in it. Look at me Ma! Top of the World!

5.5K: Uh oh. Gotta pee.

6K: This is bullshit! I can’t even see the leaders. Hell, I can’t see the road it’s pissing so hard.
7K: That’s it! I’m going to run. One, two, three, four, five, six. And back to walking. Hey! I caught up a little. This is awesome!

7.5K: One, two, three, four, five, six. And back to walking. Made up another place. Oh, there’s an umpire. Hello Mr. Umpire. No Sir, no running here. Just walking along. Sucker!

7.6K: One, two, three, four, five, six. And back to walking.

8K: One, two, three, four, five, six. And back to walking. The rain doesn’t seem so bad when you are making up ground like this. One more girl and I think I’m top ten. I sure could use an Charleston Chew right about now though.

9K: One more kilometer to half way. And I’m cruising. Another umpire. And we’re walking…

9.5K: Back to running. One, two, three, four…WHAT!!!!! Red card?! Where the fuck did you come from? Out?! I’m Freaking Out?! Jesus Christ! I’m out in the middle of the goddammed Chinese countryside you mother fucker. What do I do now?

10K: “Walk back” he says. That’s what I was doing already, you moron. Middle of nowhere in the rain. What a stupid sport this is. (sigh)

11K: Rice paddy

12K: Rice Paddy
(it goes on like this for the rest of the 20K)