Somewhere Baby Jesus Is Crying

Wyclef, above and hideous. Some alleged "Aleesha" person and Big Tigger. My God. He still has a job there?

Oh my God! The ignorance! It burns! It burns!

It was time again, unfortunately, for BET's 2008 "Spring Bling," their jackleg version of MTV's longest-running porno, Spring Break. Do you think they are kind of salty that they named it "Spring Bling" back before white folks discovered the word? I mean, the minute my old paper in Bakersfield, Calif. started using "bling" I knew that shizz was DOA, yet BET clings to it. Lame, BET. Lame!

Mike Jones and this Flo Rida character. And I thought the rappers looked haggard when I was a kid. Give me Eazy-E's unattractive mug and Biggie's fat self any day. Long as Big keeps the shirt on.

DJ Khaled, Birdman and, dear sweet Joseph and Mary, Lil' Wayne.

Lil' Wayne: This ugly on accident or on purpose? Discuss.

Top, a "guest" with a Shay "Buckeey" Johnson and below, St. Louis' own Chingy and a "model." And I use the term "model" very loosely. Stripper, maybe. Cover girl for "Low Riders Monthly" perhaps. No. Low Riders Monthly is far too classy a gig.

I just hope that Spring Bling has 100 percent less fake lesbian making out on it. MTV used to go nuts with the Girls Gone Wild footage back when I was in high school. There's nothing I can't stand more than a couple of girls making out because they enjoy debasing themselves for the menfolks. I mean, if you're an actual Lesbian I guess go nuts, but I'm going to go out on a limb and gather that most Lesbians don't want to make out to turn men on. I mean, dare I say, maybe with Lesbians it's not about men.

Et tu, Lupe Fiasco?

There was a time people were worried if Wreckx-n-Effect would ruin my fragile little mind. Somehow I think we've gone farther than Teddy Riley ever envisioned. These folks make the chick in the bikini fake playing the sax at the beginning of "Rumpshaker" look classy. (All pics from WireImage)