Vladimir Putin Is the New Chuck Norris

Russia tired of losing out in Hollywood big screen fights decided they had enough and finally acquired the ultimate lethal weapon named Vladimir Putin who is the only known man not to lose to Chuck Norris. 'There is no way that stupid Yank, Chuck Norris, will ever beat our glorious battle warrior of Russia, Vladimir Putin,' said a duped communist teenager. 'Russia always wins!' Vladimir Putin decided to retire as dictator to focus on his acting career outside of politics. 'I be doing acting long but now I be doing acting on screen even more longer,' said Putin Russia's former glorious royal leader. This is a strong move from the Russian movie community. Chuck Norris has destroyed over 100,000 Russian fighters since his debut on the silver screen. 'No one can stop Choock Norrees but me,' said Putin. 'I'm most bigger man in all the worlds.' Sadly the excitement of Putin beating Norris in a film ended early Tuesday morning after Norris declined the role stating he has a previous contract of actual importance. 'My talent (Norris) is involved promoting 'Gums Of Steal' on QVC from 1am to 2am,' explained a local Hollywood talent agent. 'Gums of Steal promotes a stronger, healthier, happier mouth.'