Project Runway Recap: The Top 5 in the most unshocking episode ever

In the most uninspiring season ever.

Featuring the least stylish designers ever.

Well, here I am, bravely continuing my recaps, even as the ennui invades and threatens to completely over-take my soul. There's been no one to love...although Shirin had a shot at capturing my support...and there's not even anyone to really hate. Irina is catty...we've seen that a million times. But there's no Wendy, no Santino, no Jeffrey. People that give you shudders.

And really, worst of all, there's no one with a clear and creative point of view. Actually, not true: Christopher might actually be the only one that has that recognizable POV, it's just that the judges don't like it.

Anyway, this challenge started at the Getty Museum, where the designers were joined by their models (to acts as "muses") and given 30 minutes to tour the museum and its grounds, looking for inspiration.

They were inspired as follows:

Gordana: By a Monet painting of the cathedral at St. Reims. She is very moved by the painting. I feel like telling her that it reads a bit drab and gray on my TV screen (sort of like her last design that was savaged by the judges) but she can't hear me.

Christopher: A rock fountain. With algae. Actually kind of promising, at least it can't be literal.

Irina: A painting featuring "fleshy" ladies in diaphanous gowns. Don't think her model could have been much of a muse on that one.

Althea: The architecture of the place itself.

Carol Hannah: An ornate, baroque, overdone canopy bed. I am not hopeful.

They make their final trip to ErsatzMood, where they can spend 30 minutes and send $300. The most hilarious moment being when Irina is considering this large fur pelt and wonders if it's rabbit fur. Yes, Tim say, a giant, giant rabbit. (I think you had to be there: It was a big pelt, and Tim was so cute as he mocked her.)

Thank you Ersatz-and-soon-to-be emptied-out-and-abandoned-Mood.

With four women and only one guy left, we've got scenes featuring catty women and a lonely boy. I particularly liked when Gordana showed a little gumption and told Carol Hannah to back off when she was trying to stop Gordana and Irina from engaging in a little friendly bickering.  "I'm not here to serve you." Oh, SNAP.

In the workroom we have what looks like it's shaping up to be the worst runway show ever. Irina is creating some weird disco-Thunderdome concoction. Althea's dress is just a mess of puckering, and ti's hard to imagine she can fix it with a little steaming. Carol spent hours mesmerized by the ornate bed, and is creating a sleek gown. Go figure. Gordana is so inspired by her shapeless, drab sack, she doesn't notice it's a drab, shapeless sack. Christopher is into full-on martyred odd-man-out mode. Bo. Ring.

Let's just get on to the show.The judges are Cynthia Rowley. ninagarcia and Cindy Crawford.

As always, click on the link under the designer's naem to see their look:

1. Althea 

Appalling. A puckery gold skirt. Yet another tank top, this time in gold and pewter and somewhat diaphanous. Still no thought of having her busty model wear a bra. (Nice to see a busty model, though.) Strings hanging from the hem (check out the back view). And a bunch of criss-cross pleating does not emulate the architecture of the Getty. I'm pretty sure it emulates a whole bunch of other stuff we've already seen. Hated it. And have pretty much hated most of what Althea's done, even when the judges love it. Don't get the Althea-love.

2. Carol Hannah 

OK. Nice enough, elegant gold Grecian-style gown. A bit of a Christopher bed-sheet effect coming out of the bottom, but undeniably better-proportioned than Christopher's similar efforts. My problems with this were two-fold. 1) Hello? Lots and lots of pulling and creasing. Not quite puckering, but I thought it made it look ill-fitting. 2) Double-Hello? What did this gown have to do with her inspiration piece, the ornate, baroque bed with feathers and brocade layers and layers of fabric? I'll answer my own question: Pretty much nothing. They regularly auf people for not "getting" the challenge. but not this time.

3. Christopher 

Christopher created a very familiar high-neck, sleeveless top in a shimmery green-ish fabric, paired with a stiff silvery long skirt, with a long-torso'ed silvery corset over both pieces. There were some odd green designs applied to the skirt (dye or applique?) which you can see best in the side view. Actually, I liked this. It was sleek and well-made and different. Best thing he has done in a few weeks. I get that the stiff skirt didn't flow well as she walked, but I liked it anyway.

4. Gordana 

Gordana created a simple, elegant, flowing strapless gown. She used delicately shaded fabrics to emulate the peak of the cathedral. It was quite lovely, although quite simple. But the nicest, most cohesive piece of the night iMHO.

5. Irina 

Irina sent a shockingly hideous dress down the runway. This thing is a 70s disco dress, styled to be appropriate for the Golden Girls. She managed to make model Kalyn look both old and fat. That's quite a feat. All in a drab green color that was way too opaque. Basically a green sack tied with a gold rope. The back view is equally hideous, because the drop waist makes the model look freakishly long-waisted. And short-legged. Again, quite a feat. Totally appalling.

So, let's cut to the chase, shall we. After lots of yammering and making each designer pick who should go to Fashion Week with them, we realize that the judges didn't love any of the looks and had problems with them all. I agree: Horrible final week.

That being said, it was clear to me that Christopher and Gordana had the best looks of the night, their small problems aside...because the other three looks were bad, unoriginal, or not at all related to their inspirations.

So, naturally, Christopher and Gordana were cut, and the three little pipsqueaks, Althea, Carol Hannah and Irina, are in the finals. I'm guessing (form having peeked at the collections online) that Irina may win. 

So, am I the only one limping to the finish line here?