Pad Thai, Walmart-style

My new friend Jan over at Jan’s Sushi Bar had a post a few days ago with a recipe for Pad Thai.  I love Pad Thai.  I’ve been known to eat lunch in the Fremont neighborhood of Seattle, where, I kid you not, there are seven Thai restaurants.  One of the them serves incredible Pad Thai, and despite the fact that it makes me feel like I’ve eaten an twelve-inch balloon and then had it suddenly inflate in my gut half an hour later, I love it.  Please don’t ask me how I know what that feels like.

I commented on Jan’s post and said that I’d try the recipe.  Saturday night, I did.

I should warn you ahead of time that I’m not the best cook in the world, with the possible exception being barbecue.  With my barbecue fired up, on a warm summer evening, I may quite possibly be the best cook in the world.  The kitchen, however, is a different story.  When I’m trying something new, I tend to FREAK OUT.   I should also warn you that I tend to take liberties with recipes.  Jan wrote that she shops at an Asian food store to get things like pre-prepared Pad Thai sauce.  I decided to make things a little more interesting: I self-stipulated that all of my ingredients had to come from Walmart.  No exceptions.

HB was with us over the weekend, and she helped me in the kitchen.  The first job was chopping nuts.  The recipe called for ‘chopped cashews’, but I could only find the whole canned variety.  No problem.

Choppin' some nuts

While HB chopped the nuts, I cut up the boneless, skinless chicken breasts.  The recipe called for 6 - 8 ounces, but I used more like two pounds.  We like the chickens.

Chickens are yummers

At the same time, I started the ‘rice noodles’ boiling.  What the heck are rice noodles?  I have no idea, so I used rice sticks.  Is that close?

Rice stick

We hit our first real setback.  Walmart doesn’t have pre-prepared Pad Thai sauce.  I looked.  I knew better than to ask anyone for help (have you ever asked anyone for help at Walmart?  Heh.  Yeah.), but I SCOURED the ‘Asian Food’ isle, and found NO Pad Thai sauce.  So, I bought this:

Sweet, sweet Chili Sauce

Note to self: chili sauce is NOT Pad Thai sauce.   I only added a few drops, after sniffing the bottle.  WAAYYY to hot for the  kids.

Time to cook!  I added the oil, chicken, and nuts to my frying pan, and got something that looked like this.

Chicken in the breadpan...

Then I add the eggs to scramble in the pan with the chicken.

Add some eggs!

Hey not bad!  It even smells pretty good.  OK, the rice stick is done, and it’s been cooled per the recipe’s instructions (if I’m using the right noodles).  Time to add it to the chicken.  I’m in a hurry, so instead of making batches, I’m going to add everything at the same time.  In it goes.

I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

The rice stick makes a giant mound in the middle of the frying pan.  I try to mix it together and the whole combination tastes like weak straw that’s been sitting out in the rain all Spring.  The vein in my forehead starts bulging as I slip into Panic Mode.  This does not look like the delicious Pad Thai I’m used to.  In fact, it doesn’t look like any kind of Pad Thai I’ve ever seen.  I’m in trouble.

Enter beautiful wife, who has some ideas of her own.

Salt can fix it

So can soy sauce

So can... ham??

And this is what we ended up with.

Franken-Pad-Thai: be scared

OK, um, time to eat.

'Pad Thai' on a plate

Well, it wasn’t Pad Thai, in the end.  But thanks to my beautiful wife (and HB who took all the pictures and was a HUGE help), it was edible.  In fact, it was pretty darn good.  For non-Pad Thai.

Sorry Jan, I guess I should shop at an Asian food store and/or not take liberties.  But thanks for the recipe!  It was fun to try.