Santa Claus - The Interview

Recently, I submitted on Mixx.com an
article from the Daily Mail reporting that
our good old Nicholas had been branded
an illegal immigrant and imposter by the Kremlin...
[They claimed that "the only authentic figure
for bringing presents to Russia's children was
Ded Moroz - Grandfather Frost."]


So, the least we could do to bring a bit of fairness
into this new Christmas 'Cold War' was to re-publish
the interview that Father Christmas gave a few
years ago to one of our favourite Guest Contributors,
Roy Thomsitt himself.



Enjoy...


Loup Dargent




Image via Wikipedia



__________

Exclusive
Interview
With
Santa Claus
Roy Thomsitt



Over the past two months I have been writing
a Christmas story. It is about Santa Claus and
the remarkable sequence of events that befell
a young girl living on the edge of the rain forest
in Palawan, a tropical island where I live.


Of course, for such an apparently far fetched story,
it was important to check out the facts. That was
easy to do here in Palawan, but how could I interview
somebody quite so famous as Santa Claus, who lived
far away in a land where I would freeze to death as soon
as I got off the airplane?


Well, it turned out to be more easy than I thought, and
we met, believe it or not, close to a big firework display
in Southern England on November 5th 2005. How I got
there and how he got there, I am not allowed to say. In fact,
I cannot say, simply because I do not know for sure. I can only
speculate. My passport shows I was here; my wife tells me
I was here; I tell myself I was here. But I was there, and this
is what I can report from the notes I took at the interview.
There was much more, but I am sworn to secrecy, and
Santa Claus has such amazing powers, I would not go
against his wishes.

These are the 3 questions, and answers,
I am allowed to reveal.

There is much speculation amongst
historians about your origins. Can you
tell us, to put this straight once and for all?


(Roars of laughter from Santa) “The last people
you should ask are historians. They can only look
backwards. What a dumb life they lead; they can never
find the truth like that. Life is multi dimensional; time is
multi dimensional. What do historians and scientists know
about all that? The truth is like a sun with all its planets
rotating round. If you just look backwards, you miss the
whole spectrum, and you miss the sun itself.


“What are my origins? My good man, you’re just
a simple soul, like everyone else on the planet, so I know
you mean ‘when and where do I come from’. I do have a
birthday; in fact, I have many birthdays, and they are all
true. But for your narrow little world, I was born in 701 AD."



“But,” I said, “all the historians…….” his glare told me to be
quiet about historians. That seemed like a good idea, given
that they got it all totally wrong.


Santa was a tolerant and gentle man despite his massive
powers. “And, young man” ( I had not been called that for
a long time) he said. “You will not believe where I was born.
It was not the North Pole, though I go there often. It was not
Lapland, where I do now live. It was Central Africa."


I was dumbfounded; he just laughed at me.
I moved on quickly.



I have to ask, Santa, how do you get
around the whole world like that, every
Christmas, delivering gifts to so many
millions of children? In less than 2 days.
It’s just not..


Before I could finish, he had put his hand firmly
on my arm to stop me.

“Of course it’s possible. You think it’s not possible
because your “scientists” say so, not because of the truth.
Only the truth matters. And it is possible, because I do
it every year. You say “not possible” because of the way
you all look at things; narrow and blinkered. Even my
blinkered reindeer know more than your silly scientists;
so forget it’s not possible. I do it, and young man”,
(I was really beginning to like this guy), he went on,
“I just love every moment of it.”


“But……?” I was about to ask, but he stopped
me again with a firm hand.

“Ok,” he said gently. “Let me just tell you about
something. In the 8th century I was exploring
brainwaves; your scientists don’t have an inkling
yet about the brain, how it works, the brainwaves
and what they mean and how you can use them.
I was able to discover great things, things all the
scientists have been too narrow minded in the past
to seek out, understand and utilize.”


I was in his spell, listening intently to every word.
He was about to reveal….

“Have you heard of Quantum Chimney Descent Theory?
No, of course not. By 820 AD I had it all worked out;
a year later I had discovered Time Corridors. You know
time corridors? No, of course not, but I tell you young man,
that was what did it, that was what enabled me to deliver
gifts at Christmas all over the world.


“I then developed the Time Corridor Interweaving Theory.
For the next 30 years I started to put them both into practice,
and then bring them together. That my dear friend is how
I get around the whole world like that and deliver gifts: by
exploiting the Quantum Chimney Descent Theory in unison
with Time Corridor Interweaving.

“Do you understand now?” he asked.


Well, who was I to argue, I might sound like a historian or
scientist? So, that was it, I had the answers to the greatest
Santa Claus question of all. I did not have a clue what
he was talking about, but I am sure he anticipated that.


We went on to the final question as the firework display
reached its climax.


What happens to all the mince pies
and glasses of sherry that millions
of children leave out for you?


Santa roared with laughter again, “oh, all the things
people leave out for me; they are so sweet those children.
“But you know, their parents should tell them the truth;
they should not deceive. It is their parents who drink the
sherry and other alcoholic drinks. It’s just their excuse.
I don’t drink the stuff, never did.

“But the mince pies, yes I do love a good mince pie. The
children are so considerate leaving them for me, and I eat
as many as I can in Australia. But over a million? I have
to tell you, those mince pies get spread around all sorts of
places. The creatures of the oceans and the forests are
very much experts on mince pies now. But the year
before last.....”

Santa saw my expression change.


“Aaah, we can’t say what happened that year, can we?
It’s in your story. We mustn't spoil your story."

A moment later I awoke in my bed many thousands of
miles away near the Sulu Sea. My wife was next to me;
and funnily enough, I was next to her. When I went to
my computer room a while later, I found my notebook.
And what you have read above is what was written in it.


I really did like Santa Claus; “young man” indeed.


-----------------------------
About The Author:
Relax for the festive season and read Roy
Thomsitt's Christmas story, about Santa
Claus and a young girl who lived in a hut on the
edge of a rainforest.

Roy is also owner and author of
www.xmas-ornament.com , do not
forget to get your Christmas gifts.

 

 

______________

Previously on
'Forward-and-Share'

• Easy Does It Recipes For Christmas
• The Top 10 Chick Flicks That Will Make You Cry
• Decadent Pumpkin Soup
• The One About The Other eBay
• The Other One About Little Gordon
• The One About Little Gordon

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Christmas Humour Humor