Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Let's just get this out of the way... Woody Allen is an old fucking perv. Not that I've got anything against the old or perverted, but he falls into that rare, special breed of leches who marry their stepdaughters and write and direct movies like Vicky Cristina Barcelona.
Recently he said "when I first started, I could never write for women. I always wrote from the male point of view." And now he writes from the female perspective, I guess. As far as I can tell the only thought process that went into this one was how can I make Scarlett Johanssen and Penelope Cruz make out with each other???
So here's how you do it: Since everyone in New York hates you because you married your daughter, make your new movies in places like England, or in this case Barcelona. Make it a Red Shoe Diary thin story of two best friends; Vicky (Rebecca Hall)- an uptight intellectual and Cristina (Scarlett Johanssen)- a slutty free spirit, who go on Vacation and act like shrews while they fight over the same man- a bohemian mime played by Javier Bardem. Throw into the mix his jealous ex-wife (Penelope Cruz) and pretty soon they're all pulling each other's hair and shrieking "YOU FUCKED HIM!?! You know I'm in LOVE with him!!!" and "BITCH! I HAAATE YOU!"
Then they all wind up topless and pillow fighting and kissing each other.
Me, I'm enjoying this new trend of hot girls kissing each other. I can't wait to see Megan Fox's dirty new scenes in Jennifer's Body. Katy Perry has been kissing girls and staying at Number One on the charts for weeks now (and driving impressionable gaggles of young women everywhere to dive for the nearest muff in a brainwashed frenzy, according to her parents and other experts).
Scarlett Johanssen said of her on screen kiss "Penelope had less facial hair than a guy so it was certainly more pleasant. It was better than kissing Jonathan Rhys Meyers in Matchpoint."
I hope Woody Allen keeps writing for women for many years to come.
Just keep him away from the adoption agencies.