Sucking at Life

I just knew you'd either have to be a total drunk or partly retarded to dye your chin hair bright red. Case in point: Scott Spiezio.

The former St. Louis Cardinals infielder, who was cut by the team in February after a warrant was issued for his arrest, pleaded guilty Monday to misdemeanor drunken driving and hit-and-run charges from a December car crash.

So, here's how it all went down. He crashed his car into a curb and fence, then stumbled away. Then he appeared at this guy's condo, a bit disheveled and apparently injured.

This guy, we'll call him Michael, says Spiezio punched him, of course causing significant injuries. $cha-ching$ But those counts were dropped due to the two of them having some sort of relationship and Spiezio pleading guilty to more important things, like endangering lives behind the wheel.

The 35-year-old dorkmaster and his stupid effing flavor-saver will serve three years probation, complete a three-month alcohol program, attend two Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and work on 80 hours of community service. On top of all that, he also has to pay roughly $1,700 in fines and restitution.

Spiezio agreed to a minor league contract with the Atlanta Braves on March 31st in an attempt to turn his life around. Have fun at A.A.!

[Braves Nation] | [Strike 3] | [Infield Blog]