The Two Aspects of Forgiveness

Recently I was in on a discussion about Senator Ted Kennedy and his recent diagnosis with brain cancer. This kind of cancer, I am told, leads to fairly certain death, usually within a year. The discussion lead to his involvement in the 1969 Chappaquiddick incident in which Kennedy drove his car off a bridge late one night and his lone occupant, young Mary Jo Kopechne, was drown. Kennedy, for various stated reasons, some very suspect, did not report the accident until the next day and only after discovering that the police had been alerted to the car in the water before Kennedy could inform them. The incident sunk Kennedy's chances of ever being President, and left lingering animosity and suspicion in some that Kennedy had literally gotten a way with murder.

During the conversation someone said that they thought that no matter what the truth of the matter was Kennedy spent the rest of his life making up for the incident by his dogged defense of the poor and championship of the underprivileged. His life, they said, had been an expiation of his youthful error and that he should be forgiven. This is where my ears really perked up for that was an interesting point. Forgiveness indeed should be extended to all who err, I said, "but there is a right way to forgive, and there is a wrong way."

I went on to explain that there are actually two aspects of forgiveness. One aspect is universal, and the other conditional. Allow me to explain. We are to universally forgive everyone. This means that we are to not hate, resent, bear angry grudge against or emotional judge anyone. For this reason Jesus showed us this universal example when being nailed to the cross saying "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do". He said this because people who "sin" are not in their right mind, are under the influence of compulsion, and therefore can not be "hated" for what they do, for it is not "them" who do it, but "sin" that has made a home in them that does the "sinning".

The second aspect of forgiving others in the conditional aspect. Just because we do not hate or resent those that do us, or society wrong, this does not mean that we are to have a normal relationship with them. We do not go fishing with the person who has stolen our car, nor should we vote for any person for political office who has done wrong and has not owned up to the error. How we relate to those who do wrong is conditional. Those that truly repent are to be brought back into the fold. We forget their error and move on as if it never happened. But if we have ordinary relationship with the unrepentant we only encourage the error in them and enable the idea that "murder can be gotten away with". By not holding the errant accountable we help to keep the truth hidden and while enabling the lie to flourish in the place where truth should be. Human beings are meant to be noble and upright beings but human beings are also imperfect. Perfection is a matter of learning from ones mistakes, this allows the arising of perfection from imperfection. Forgiveness is a two edged sword. It can build up character or it can bring it down. Often the outcome of error depends upon the wisdom and love of those who have been offended how the errant will survive themselves.