Blog aids its bipolar author

Liz Spikol writes a blog called The Trouble With Spikol. But, she says, it's not she who's the problem.

The Philadelphia Weekly magazine managing editor, who suffers from bipolar disorder, says the real trouble with mental illness is its stigma.

That's why Spikol is using the Internet as a vehicle to destroy the myths and stereotypes about schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and other illnesses.

Opening up to the world is never easy — even for Spikol, who freely discusses her 20-year battle with bipolar disorder on the blog.

But the 39-year-old says it's time for people with mental illness to present themselves to the world as functional.

"I just kind of thought that the blog would be a good way to talk about mental health and engage younger people," she said.

The blog — trouble.philadel phiaweekly.com — is an eclectic mix of mental health news and information, mixed with Spikol's whimsical musings about culture and society.

She began one entry, for instance, with a stream-of-consciousness assessment of a press release titled, "Many Suicidal Adults Aren't Getting Mental Health Treatment." The article stated that many adults who consider suicide may find it difficult to obtain adequate treatment or medication.

"This is a short article that I'd like to file under: What Else Is New?" she wrote.

Some entries steer clear of mental illness entirely, or barely touch the subject. In "What I Didn't Do on My Fourth of July Vacation," she wrote: "I didn't see big fireworks. I didn't wave a flag. ... I didn't go to a barbecue. ... But ... I did think about our troops."

"I'm trying to show people you can have a chronic mental illness and still have a life," she said.

Many journalists write about their personal struggles with bipolar disorders, schizophrenia and other disorders. But few personalize it in a way that presents mental illness as acceptable.

Wray Herbert, for example, writes a column for Newsweek's Web site called "Mind Matters" that delves into the quirks of human behavior — including his own.

But, unlike Spikol's blog, it doesn't address personal medication intake, nor does it deal with personal breakdowns.

Spikol won't give advice; in fact, she often seems to be asking for it.

"As everyone is painfully aware by now, tonight is my book club," she wrote in one entry. "I'm having such anxiety about the event, I took two Ativan last night and am now pretty groggy. How will I make sure everyone gets in through our locked doors? When will I buy the cookies?

"What if I have nothing to say? Oy vey. I could do with a little more mania today. At least I'd get stuff done."

Most of the time, however, she holds it together — with the help of readers and the so-called experts.

Reader feedback has been tremendous, she said. But Spikol says she's a fan of the blog, too. As someone with personal demons, the experience has been cathartic, she says.

She was raped in the Dominican Republic when she was 18 years old. The incident triggered her 20-year battle with bipolar disorder, she believes. Hospitalization and treatment followed.

For Spikol, opening herself up and talking about her issues has been a freeing and educational experience.

She also believes she's helped connect people who share many of the same experiences.

"It's been great," she said. "I just started adding videos."

This column was originally published in The Record of Bergen County on Aug. 1, 2006.