Telling the father-to-be when you are reluctant

Finding out you are having a baby put you in a daze. And, one of the first things on your mind is telling your boyfriend or husband. Your pregnancy may be unexpected or an event you’re looking forward to. This makes a difference in how you feel about telling Dad.

Breaking the Unexpected News

You may be feeling a lot of emotions toward him. You may be angry with him, scared that he might leave you, or excited that he is looking forward to bringing a new life in the world. Any feeling you have right now is normal.

In case you are not sure how he will react, here are some ways to prepare the discussion:

• First, make sure you are pregnancy. Don’t guess or go on intuition-get a test.
• Talk with people you trust can help ease your anxiety and help get you going you on getting the support you will need.
• Practice by telling a person you trust.
• Pick out a time and a place when both of you will be at ease and in a place with minimal distractions.
• Don’t play games or try to make him guess the news. Be honest and inform him that the two of you have gotten pregnant together.
• Don’t start on a negative tone, like, “I have really bad news…” Start with something positive like how much you value him.

Brace yourself for his first reactions:

• Silence—This is likely the first response. Remember how you felt when you first saw the positive test. You were probably speechless. When you first tell him he will probably act the same way. It doesn’t mean he isn’t interested or won’t support you. It may just take a day or two before a real conversation begins.
• Give him time to sort out his feelings. You probably had time to think a little before telling him. Give him the same.
• “I’ll support you with whatever you want to do”—This is also common. He may not understand the full extent of your needs. But his willingness to support you is a good sign.
• “Is it mine?”—Yes, this is insensitive, but unfortunately it is also a common response. It is probably more a shock response versus a true belief about your relationship.
• Address your feelings. Not with him at first–remember you need to give him a moment to think. Hopefully you will feel supported, but you may feel neglected, abandoned, or betrayed. No matter whom you choose to talk to, talk to someone. Don’t leave those feelings inside.

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