Nonplussed

By Michael Patrick Okeefe

Since my last post (“Conspiracy Theory”), I have received many e-mails questioning my mental stability. I have been characterized as “a complete wack job”, “wacko”, “a nut case”, “an idiot”, “a loose cannon”, “misinformed”, “stupid”, “a dodo”, “a booby”, and even a “fruitcake”, among other things.”[1] To these comments, I must simply say – NON![2]

In order to reassure my readers and my family about my general mental health and sanity, I simply want to walk you through a typical “day in the life” of Michael Patrick Okeefe. After you experience my typical day, I am sure you will agree that I am a stable, rational, sober, and well balanced human being, operating at the highest level of mental and physical proficiency.

I start the day by waking up, which I find preferable to the alternative of starting the day while asleep. Of course, if I could start the day and function while asleep, I probably would, but since I can’t, I usually wake up. Waking up generally requires consumption of large amounts of caffeine, and sometimes even more potent “specialized coffee enhancement crystals” which I find can be easily purchased from skinny, toothless, grandmas (former prostitutes) that peddle these substances at a corner that is located close to my sumptuous, lavishly furnished, south Austin apartment.[3]

So, as I say, I wake up. Now, when I wake up, I simply don’t spring out of bed, because my bed is located next to a large picture window with a nice of view of the rolling hills of south Austin. My apartment backs up to a greenbelt, which, of course, would be a wonderful location for an assassin to set up shop and “eliminate” me, if an assassin was so inclined to do so. You might say the back of my apartment has its own “grassy knoll”, if you will.[4]

So, again, I wake up, but I slither out of bed onto the floor. I slither into my bathroom, which my tai-tai thinks is rather strange, but then again, she is Chinese, so she simply thinks my morning crawl across the carpet into the bathroom is a bizarre habit I picked up as a result of excessive inbreeding and being brought up in an inferior, redneck, Texas culture.

My tai-tai then usually wakes up and opens the blinds so we can enjoy the beautiful view of the morning sun cascading over the tree covered hills behind our apartment. I usually give her a few minutes to give me the “coast is clear” sign. At that point, I get up off the floor and begin the day with true vim and vigor.

Next is breakfast. Breakfast is easily arranged, because my tai-tai normally prepares it. I usually give her a few minutes after she takes the first bite. Once I find that she does not exhibit any adverse reactions to the morning meal, I wolf down my food in a hasty and greedy fashion, because my tai-tai is a wonderful cook!

I then roll “into” my office, to check to see if any of my anonymous clients have sent me sensitive work from their ultra-secret locations.[5] If I have work, I handle it in a most expeditious fashion until its final completion. Or, as some would say, “I do my work.” After I complete my work, I completely erase my computer’s operating system and re-install my software – because after all, you never know if “big brother” is watching / listening/ reading / spying on you, now do you, Citizen USA? Although this is a tedious process and burns up a lot of hard drives, you can never be too careful now, can you, Citizen USA?

Often, my tai-tai and I are called away from our home office and must venture into the wild streets of Austin for business meetings or other adventures (like acquiring toilet paper or feminine hygiene products). I have a methodical and hyper efficient system to deal with these exigencies. We have two exists from our top floor apartment – a “back” exit, that opens out into the “grassy knoll” area, and a front exit, well protected with cars and a large retaining wall in the front of our building. As you might guess, I usually take the front exit, while my tai-tai takes the back exit, in an effort to draw any fire that might come from the grassy knoll.

Once we reach our destination, I usually circle around the block to identify any suspicious types that might be lurking about the area. You would be amazed at how many black suburbans are traveling the roads and streets of Texas! I usually have to drive around the block a few times, and seemingly wander off in obscure directions before I can shake these ruthless bastards! Again, this behavior is sometimes a bit disconcerting to my wife, but she usually shrugs it off, attributing my actions to the whole inbreeding and redneck thing.

Upon arrival, I hold my breath until I see that my tai-tai is able to breathe normally, for you never know what type of chemical or biological agents lurk in our atmosphere, do you, Citizen USA? In fact, I forgot to mention that I generally try to exhibit a practice of holding my breath and only breathing after I notice that my wife seems to be sucking in the air in a normal fashion. After all, it is better to be safe than sorry!

Upon our return home, after completion of my work and re-installation of my computer’s operating system, I settle down for a night of reading or light entertainment. However, I don’t participate in the usual media fare that is shoved down our electronic gullet on a 24/7 basis. No, I read or check out videos produced by some of the better informed and rationale observers of our planet today – folks like Alex Jones, Stanton Friedman, Whitley Streiber, George Noory, etc. My tai-tai claims that my excessive consumption of conspiratorial and UFO media has made me a bit paranoid and jumpy, to which I must simply say – NON!

[1]Interestingly, my last post, “Conspiracy Theory”, has generated more activity (i.e., hits and e-mails), than any other post I have made on this or any other website. I may be “a booby”, but the mention of “conspiracy theory”, “secret societies”, and “JFK” in the same blog seems to get your attention, O dear Citizen USA! Just start clickin’ on some ads so I came make some money off this silly blog!
[2]I want to thank the French for the addition of the cool prefix “non” to the English language. We have so many fine words at our disposal that utilize “non” – for example, nonsense. As in, me, a booby? Nonsense!
[3]My experiences with skinny, toothless, grandmas and former prostitutes will be the subject of another post.
[4]If you “won’t”, what the fuck are you reading this blog for? I mean, if JFK had been paying attention to grassy knolls, he’d still be here, now wouldn’t he?
[5]No, I can’t tell you what I do for living! I would have to kill you!