Elisabeth Hasselbeck: A Dumb Blonde’s Pearls of Wisdom

“I‘m sure at some point Jeffery Dahmer ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches… does it then make the fact that he ate people less wrong? - Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the View: On March 24, 2008, Hasselbeck called Rev. Jeremiah Wright a racist and equated him to serial killer JeffreyDahmer.

“Sexy, blonde bombshell Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s logic typifies the logic of all white Americans. When making blanket statements such as these about the white race, it is important to know their history so the comments aren’t taken out of context. Remember,” says Ghetto Bragging Rights publisher Kirkland Perkins, “There is only one political party in America: the white party. Playing Democrat VS Republican is a game to them.”

“Hasselbeck’s stament’s have their root in the Classic American Racial Psychosis (CARP) disorder that all whites suffer from,” says racial psychologist Dr. Louis Sidney Jacobs. “They are disillusioned beyond repair with the concepts of racial beauty and superiority.”

“Word in the Nation is that one of the sisters on the show has already impregnated Hasselbeck with a melanoma,” says Yacub13X national spokesman Yusef Ali. “Now the Sun of God will express the perversion of her words through her superior skin and bombshell blonde hair. Henceforth, she, like the Fig Tree is cursed. For, she has leaves but bears no fruit. Her melanoma execution is yet another sign of the 2nd Coming of the Sun of God.”

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