BEAUTY WARS - How To Make A Pretty Penny

‘Deal Or No Deal’ suitcase models enjoy a hefty paycheck.

Who says women don’t earn as much money as men? Oh, right. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Average pay gap by gender according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 2005

Well, not to worry ladies. Sure, you might be facing an extra rough couple of years financially, but take heart! There is always a way to boost your income right up into (or at least near) the men's bracket… just get pretty!

While it is true that women continue to earn on average about 30% less money than men in comparable positions, there are still a few fields in which women are the top moneymakers. Unfortunately for most of us, there’s a catch. Those rare fields in which women make more money on average than men are centered around women’s physical appearance, beauty industries like modeling and (dare we say it?) sex work.

Today’s case in point is NBC’s Deal or No Deal, which features models standing on the stage and occasionally opening a briefcase. Paparazzi kingpin TMZ recently conducted an impromptu interview with Deal model Claudia Jordan, who confirmed that she and her co-models earn a walloping six figures for their appearances on the show. Of course that’s peanuts to what host Howie Mandel makes, but it sure beats your average soccer moms’ meager salary.

So if you want to close that wage gap, get thee to a plastic surgeon!

The downside, of course, is that you’ll already need to be rich to afford the surgery and any resulting medical mishaps. And once you’ve squeezed in, sucked out, inflated, and tightened everything you can, you won’t look like yourself any more (but you will look like every other desperate chickiboo hoping to cash in). And no one will ever take your opinions seriously again. And you’ll have to remove more and more clothing in order to garner a pay raise. And you will still never earn as much dinero as the guy who owns the magazine that publishes your photo, or the guy who owns the station that broadcasts your image. And the same people who make money off of your looks will feel justified in referring to you as a “bitch” regardless of your actual personality (yeah, we’re talking to you Harvey).

But hey, it’s a small price to pay for “equality,” right?