The isle of kevin

take a look at this picture first ... double click to see it full size... can you just about make out that tiny dot at the bottom? that's where we live. how puny earth is, compared to the sun. now take a look at this picture ... double click to see it full size the sun is just about invisible at bottom left - a tiny dot compared to the massive stars of antares and betelgeuse. they in turn are just tiny dots when we gaze up at the night sky. antares is the 15th brightest star in our...Read Full Story

i've got visitors tonight. these two ... yes, cherie and tonie. they were a bit late because cherie had just reached the finals of the isle of britain gurning competition. she was pipped at the post by a woman who could pull her bottom lip right over her face, and still sing jerusalem while drinking a glass of water. tonie was beaten in the most virile ex prime minister contest by john major. so they were in a fine mood, as you can imagine. though as my little snapshot shows - at least...Read Full Story

he doesn't look well, does he? wonder why that is ... perhaps he was just being introduced to boris johnson? or tony blair had just rung to say he'd put a fiver on the tories winning the next general election? anyway, all is not lost - i've offered to be his personal advisor for the next few months, so he can regain public confidence. his new policies will be - tax the rich to subsidise the poor. er... that's it, really. he might not win the election, but at least he could bow...Read Full Story

there were queues at the petrol station this morning. it was crazy. people were arriving driving tractors, ride-on lawn mowers, and occasionally the family saloon. three people collapsed under the weight of the cans and containers they were filling up. but doris was a star - she walked four miles carrying a skip on her head, filled it up with a couple of million litres, and walked back without breaking sweat, and without spilling a drop. i incurred her wrath by telling her she forgot the box...Read Full Story

my special night with flossie turned out to be anything but... the tripe was undercooked, the cooking sherry was obviously past its sell by, and the cream puffs looked like they'd been trampled by a herd of diseased pigs. then she adjusted her bodice (which took half an hour and involved the use of a winch and pulley) and announced we were going to play party games. she decided on musical chairs a deux. i heard the scratch of the needle, then the 'march of the valkyries' blared out. i pointed...Read Full Story