'Twisted Recap: The Murder Weapon Is Found and Danny's Dad Makes a Surprise Appearance

(ABC Family)

Spoiler alert: This entire Twisted recap is tainted by the sound of my own screams having watched the summer finale of Pretty Little Liars. From the most exciting show on TV, we go to perhaps, one of the  more unexceptional. Today, Lacey is left to contend with the fallout from everyone seeing her bounce up and down upon the naked genital parts of one Danny "Murderer" Desai. And it ain't pretty. The fallout, I mean. I can't speak as to the beauty of Danny's genitals, and for that I am grateful.

Jo is also reeling. She has taken to her bed, skipping school to mourn and nurse her wounds because she has a mom who would allow that. If I had ever been like, "Mom, the guy I like is doing sex with a girl!" My mom would be like, "GOOD! NOW GO LEARN MATH." Lacey meanwhile, still can't get a break. Everyone at school slut shames her, even her ex, the Neanderthal Archie and her posse of in-crowd friends who shun her. 

Unable to give her any sympathy is Danny, who insists that she go to Jo's house to apologize to her. That is, to borrow a phrase, wiggity wack. They have nothing to apologize for! It wasn't Jo's business, yo! Teens! THERE HAS BEEN A MURDER. CAN WE PLEASE FOCUS ON THAT? No, we can't, instead, we watch Jo gasp as she learns that Rico ALSO knew about the sex tape incurring his beloved's ire.

The sheriff is still working on the case, but mainly he is trying to thwart the work of the mayor's hired lady private detective. He still thinks Vikram is involved. You know, like he did 800 years ago.

While Lacey and Danny sulk and consider crashing the soccer party from which they have both been banned, Rico is off somewhere probably ending his life over upsetting Jo, and no one seems bothered by this. Jo’s parents decide to cheer her up by taking her out to see a revival of Some Like It Hot which makes me wish that is what I was doing. Then Tyler appears and charms the pants off of her parents. Seriously, the sheriff blushed. Jo ditches her folks and goes to the ancient high schooler’s house because she is a twit who lusts for Tyler and is just like, “Yo, he fiiiine” but in a Rosie Perez-type voice.

It turns out Tyler wasn’t lying, and that he really was having a bunch of film-nerds come back to his place to over-analyze the movie. Jo finds them moronic because she is better than everyone else. This is confirmed when Tyler follows her into the kitchen and they make cute pouty faces at each other like chubby little goldfishes. Meanwhile, Rico isn’t dead, but sitting sadly with Jo’s parents waiting for her to return. Always the bridesmaid Rico, always the bridesmaid.

The soccer party is painfully awkward when Lacey shows up solo and no one talks to her. She doesn’t leave but instead waits for Danny to show up so she can “fake” yell at him, demand that he leave, and in so doing, get back in good with her friends, a plan Danny actually came up with. Because being a slut is bad, but being a mean slut is dope, natch. In the process, Arch maybe subtly hints that he had something to do with getting Danny kicked off the team and out of school. And by something I mean, Arch was completely responsible.

Jo misses all of this because she is having near-sex with Tyler. When she scampers off pre-coitus because of fear, Tyler is all, “call me, baby” because of realism. At her house, Rico is eating pasta while Mrs. Masterson quietly tells him he is the best. I feel bad for everyone. Except for Jo. Danny meets up with Jo who is all, “Could you maybe ever like me?” Danny brushes her off, and Jo totters back over to Tyler’s house, presumably to do things of a sexual nature. And guess what — she is apparently bananas in the sack! Somewhere Rico is crying and doesn’t know why. This show, always with the sexing! Less sexy are the goings on of the soccer team! Archie is being confronted about poisoning teammates, and he does not care for it.

Then for two minutes there were murder-related plot points and my ears perked up! The mayor’s plant requested that they dredge the lake again and mysteriously find a murder weapon with Danny’s prints on it — enough to magically and neatly arrest Danny for Regina’s murder. SUSPICIOUS SAYS EVERYONE. As this is happening, Karen is quietly figuring out that all is not as it seems at the realtor’s office where she works - IT IS ALL CONNECTED, YO.

Jo goes home post-sexing Tyler to have Rico SMOOCH HER and profess his undying love. Jo handles it badly, and I write Rico a sonnet to read to him privately later on. Through the glorious Phoebe we learn that Regina was attacked by the very same lady the sheriff has had foisted upon him by the mayor. CONSPIRACY! As the cops rolls up to arrest Danny, he flees, and Jo’s mom calls a mysterious number from the bottom of some of her art and tells Vikram it is time for him to come back to town and to not be dead anymore. Was anyone surprised by the fact that Vik is alive? We were supposed to know this when they found Vik’s apartment right? I guess all of our questions will be answered in January. Or, like, one of them will be maybe.