Woman Sues Victoria’s Secret Over Defective G-String

When Macrida Patterson woke up on May 17, 2007, she must have been feeling sexy, but not quite sexy enough. To remedy this, Macrida decided to sass it up with a pair of low-rise v-string panties from Victoria’s Secret “Sexy Little Thing” line. That’s then things went wrong and now she wants the lingerie giant to give her free money.  

Since Macrida’s Los Angeles Superior Court filing doesn’t get into specifics, we’re left to speculate what exactly led to a metallic part of the garment flying off and hitting her in the eye, damaging her cornea for “the rest of her life.” Victoria’s Secret asked to see the panties but were denied.

Here’s what must have happened:

I know from experience that putting on a v-string is not easy. They get tangled and the thin straps have elastic in them so they tend to bunch up. As Macrida was putting her second foot through the opening, her toe got snagged causing the panties to stretch. She was standing and her natural instinct was to plant both feet on the floor. This created a catapult effect shooting a defective sequin to fly off and nail her in the eye. Blinded, Macrida went tumbling down the flight of stairs and smashed through a glass coffee table on which her knife collection was still displayed from a photo shoot she’d done the night before to sell them on eBay because the Los Angeles Department of Transportation doesn’t issue their traffic officers the most flattering uniforms and she wanted to buy custom pants that didn’t display her panty lines so much.

She’s lucky to be alive. Pay up Victoria’s Secret.