The Top 5 Potential Super Bowl Matchups

With nine games in the books, the playoff picture is becoming clearer each week. We finally know who's for real, and I'm guessing we could call 10 of the 12 playoff teams right now. Given that, here's the top 5 potential matchups we could see at this point:

Nowhere near the top five: Baltimore Ravens vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
This matchup would guarantee that one of these teams will have won the Super Bowl twice in this decade, and no one...will...care. Adding to the lack of intrigue is the fact that the final score will probably be 7-4 or something. At least there are some goofy prop bets to look forward to or something. Now on to the real top five:

5. Miami Dolphins vs. Carolina Panthers
The Dolphins are a longshot for the Super Bowl right now, but they slowly transition to the "Wildcat II: Bigger, Longer and Uncut" offense, which involves lineman Jake Long lining up at receiver, receiver Ted Ginn lining up at lineman, and offensive coordinator Dan Henning lining up at long snapper. Referees are so confused that the Dolphins are somehow awarded between 8 and 67 points each time they score, propelling them to the big game against the Panthers. Meanwhile, Sports Illustrated celebrates yet another job well done, with their 2006 Super Bowl Prediction finally coming to fruition.



4. Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Chicago Bears
The halftime show with Bruce Springsteen brings back memories of an era long past. The announcers panel of Michaels 'n' Madden brings back memories of an era long past when Madden actually used to be competent in the booth. One storied franchise, the Bears, has dreams of finishing what they couldn't two years ago. Steelers fans are stoked for their equally storied franchise's record sixth Super Bowl, and propel their team to the game with cries of "one for the mutant sixth finger!" The game is moved off NBC and instead simulcast on ESPN Classic and the History channel.

3. Indianapolis Colts vs. New York Giants
The Colts somehow pull it all together to return to the Super Bowl and face the Giants, leaving the media dumfounded at how they should spin this matchup. With no readily available storylines to play up, we're left with a pretty ordinary game. Media day has a record-low turnout as no one really wants to hear about the dynamic number one receivers of both teams or the injuries the Colts had to overcome to get this far. In the end the media focuses on dissecting how a physical runner like Brandon Jacobs will match up with the Colts' troublesome run defense.



2. Arizona Cardinals vs. Tennessee Titans
Kurt Warner caps off an MVP year with a flawless dissection of the favored Titans. Tim Hightower (who?) turns it on against a normally stout Tennessee run defense. Adrian Wilson picks off Kerry Collins twice. The Cardinals score a major upset to cap off one of the most upside-down seasons in recent memory. America is captivated by this football feel-good story in the post-game celebration for all of three minutes, after which Satan rises up from below and the apocalypse begins.

1. New England Patriots vs. New York Giants
Come on, tell me you didn't see this coming at number one? In a strange twist of irony, the underdog Patriots ride a magical playoff run to take on the heavy favorite Giants. Little-known Patriots fifth receiver Sam Aiken makes an insane on-the-helmet grab, while Giants SS James Butler looks on in disbelief. Aiken tries to milk his new-found fame in the offseason with a book deal. Matt Cassel gets the permanent starting job and the requisite supermodel girlfriend. Tom Brady gets traded in the offseason for a bag of Cheetos and half of a cardboard box, to which an incredulous Brady replies, "What the hell are you people gonna do with half a box?"