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Cinco de Mayo: Viva la Mexicans!!
Happy Cinco de Mayo to all.Today is a day of Mexican celebration, and one all Americans should be thankful for as well.
What does Cinco de Mayo commemorate?
Well, let me give you a history lesson and explain.
In 1862, Napoleon III, Emperor of France, had sent troops to Mexico to install a puppet government.
This army of well supplied French soldiers had planned on attacking Mexico City. It was not to be.
When word of this plan spread, a gang of 43 young Mexicans decided to take on the French army.
This gang had been formed after the evil Gadsden Purchase of 1853. These brave gang members were known as The Franklin Piercers.
So, The 43 FP’ers crammed into a single horse drawn wagon and headed to meet the French at the city of Puebla.
Armed only with switchblades, unbridled courage, and mariachi music, these warriors defeated the mighty French army…
May 5, 1862.
I am glad those guys thwarted the French, because had they not, things today would be much worse here in the States.
For instance, all of those illegals swimming across the Rio Grande to come here would be French!!
Can you imagine having your lawn and garden kept up by a half dozen French guys? Oh, dear God…
They would be complaining about the heat, the pay, and the crooked mow lines on the fescue. And God forbid if you offer them tap water to drink…
They would demand Perrier!!
Of course on the upside, in spite of their hairy armpits, the Hotel maids would be much hotter. But anyway…
There would be no Mexican fast food chains. Instead, Main Street U.S.A. would be littered with places called Crepe-O Bell.
Am I going to go to a place like that stinkin' drunk at 2 A.M., and order the Pollo Puff Pastry Supreme with currants and bleu cheese? Je ne le fuckin' pense pas.
Just think…If one of these illegals stopped me to ask for directions, my entire response would be different.
Instead of the fluid, lilting sounding reply, “No Habla Espanol.” I would have to say, “I don’t speak French, you pretentious bastard.”
Hell, even history would be forever altered.
Instead of being known for his brazen, anti-hero exploits, Pancho Villa would be known for his over powering serve as he won the 1912 French Open on the clay courts of Avignon.
So Sad…
So on this Cinco de Mayo, take time out to hug an illegal Mexican and thank them for not being French.
Just make sure to keep one hand on your wallet when you do so.
I have a new Blog-Fo-Mercial© for you all tomorrow. See ya then.
Cheers!!
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