LA Bans Fast Food

In an effort to reduce obesity, the Los Angeles City Council has declared that a 32 square mile section of South LA may not build any fast food restaurants for one year. When asked to comment, locals sloshed, "Blarrggh!" and knocked a passing jetliner from the sky in protest. Their weight gain may still be in danger however, as experts suspect that McDonald's is already planning a line of made-to-order slow-roasted butters to find a loop hole around the law.


While reading the previous story, a local fat guy now realizes why that man with the expensive camera was following him around and taking pictures of him from the neck down.  "Hey, what the hell!  Those fries were supposed to have come with gravy!" he adds.