SOS - Fountain of Youth Required Immediately

     Where did my youth go?  It must have scampered out the door when I wasn’t looking . . . perhaps in the middle of a confusing relationship or a disappointing date.  And, if it’s really gone, what am I supposed to do now — visit a plastic surgeon? Take up knitting and begin a cat collection? 

     If the forties are the new thirties (whatever that means), then what is 44.5 and why is it freaking me out?  It’s more than those little crinkling lines around my eyes which now refuse to be moisturized (or Retin-Aed) away. It’s more than the thinning hair (on my head . . . the hair on my face seems to be flourishing).  It’s more than the occassional errant gray hair on my brow or the fact that my cheeks are slowly descending to my jawline.  It’s just the point of it — I’m not ready to be old. 

     I write to you while exfoliating in preparation for step one of the rejuvenation process — self tanning.  Next, will be the bleaching of my teeth.  After that, I suppose I will buy a wig (what do you think the aged stars on T.V. are wearing . . . that’s not their real hair).  I’ll let you know how life is as an orange, ice-boxed smiling wanna be.  I imagine the look will be quite fetching . . . and so genuine! 

 
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