So last night I was channel surfing around 10:45pm and ended up leaving ITV2 on in the background. During one of the commercial breaks there was one of those ‘mini-news’ programs that give updates on the latest headlines. In the entertainment news, they focused on a low budget horror movie that is currently the “surprise hit” at Cannes. And what is that movie? Colin. Really, I couldn’t be happier for director Marc price as he’s achieved something incredible... Read Full Story

Well, Wednesday night was cocking brilliant. The last time I saw metallica play live was, oh, ‘92 when they toured ‘Metallica’ (the Black Album) and they were, well, a bit shit. If you can remember that far back it was when they thought it would be a good idea not to have a support band but a live video feed to their dressing room before the show. A lot of fans, quite rightly, felt they’d disappeared too far up their own arses. But the World magnetic Tour is different.... Read Full Story

They have this system at my son’s school where everyone has their name on a chart, and they can move the names up or down depending on their behaviour. So each day they all start on green, and can move to silver or gold if they’re good, or orange and red if they’re not. Since the start of term, he’s been coming home and proudly telling us that he’s been on green, silver, and even gold once. The other week he told us that he’d been moved down to orange on th... Read Full Story

Following on from my previous post about Mickey Mouse’s gangsta influence, it seems that the animated rodent isn’t as squeaky clean as first thought. According to an article on The Daily Telegraph Website a Saudi Arabian cleric (or a religious fuckwit as they’re more commonly known), has labelled Mickey Mouse “one of Satan’s soldiers” that “makes everything it touches impure.” During a, no doubt, bulging-eyed rant and a ceremonial burning of Fan... Read Full Story

So yeah, last week I was on holiday in France with the family (which explains my lack of input on this blog) and we took a trip to Disneyland Paris - where dreams come true. If your dream is to stand in queues for 90 minutes for two-minute rides, have a new arsehole ripped every time you want to eat, or to spend the entire day dodging clouds of smoke from filthy French bastards, then yes, your dreams will certainly come true. No trip to Mickeyland would be complete without getting the kids ph... Read Full Story

I have two dogs. Big fuckers that eat me out of house and home, so I’m regularly making trips to the pet shop to buy 15Kg bags of dog food. On my last trip there, I walked past the end of an aisle and did a double-take at what was staring back at me: Dog Beer. Beer. For your dog. Great stuff, get your pooches pissed on Dog Beer so they throw up and piss indiscriminately. They do that already. The other thing that got me was the price; £1.99 a bottle! Most of the brews I drink don’... Read Full Story

This post is half-inspired as a follow-up to the one about the movie Colin. Not that Colin features any vegetariansim, you understand, just that it’s about zombies. But I digress… If movie folklore is to be believed, when a person is killed and returns to life as one of the walking dead they still retain aspects of their former personality. Now, what if that person happened to be vegetarian? Imagine the mental torture of a creature with an insatiable hunger for human flesh, that i... Read Full Story

I hate Apple Macs. Or rather, I hate the rabid fanboi users of Apple Macs. It’s not enough that they have to sit in smug satisfaction with their smooth, relatively featurless, silver boxes, they just have to tell you how good it is, how stable it is, and how it will never, ever be susceptible to a virus. Ask a Mac user what, for instance, Photoshop is like on a Mac, and you’ll get an answer something along the lines of “It’s amazing. So much better than the PC version... Read Full Story

Everyone knows that men find farts the single most hilarious thing on the planet. We’re also rather fond of the opposite sex and, occasionally, cake. So put all three together and you have the perfect recipe: www.cakefarts.com Defintely not safe for viewing in any kind of working environment (unless you work in confectionery-based flatulance movie production). Read Full Story

Why is it that man-boobs are something that are disliked by the ladies? Must we all be rippled adoni (is that the plural of adonis? I don’t know) in the chest department before the fairer sex take notice? If you turn the situation round, men are much less discerning. Sure, a pair of pert norks that head forward entirely under their own steam are great, but a pair of soft floppy ones that succumb to gravity are still pretty fucking great too. So ladies, love your man and love his man-boo... Read Full Story