| From : wheelturninghamsterdead.com
Not yet published.
Ah yes. Valentines day is on the horizon. A time of year when between the 5th and 13th of the month, many young males will use the words “It just isn’t working out. No, it isn’t you. It isn’t anything to do with your over-sized head, clown feet and the fact that in the morning you smell like cabbage…seriously…what is that about? Anyway…my dear…I want to end it”.
It is the perfect way to not buy a present. You dump her. She is devastated. You dont buy a present. On the 15th of the... Read Full Story
| From : wheelturninghamsterdead.com
Not yet published.
A couple of weeks ago there was a slight accident at my house. By “slight accident” I mean some degenerate idiot managed to lob a chunk of concrete at the window and it smashed. Sadly I wasn’t home as otherwise I would have got to enjoy having a criminal record from what happened when I caught whoever did it. “What happened when I caught it” may or may not have included taking said chunk of concrete (about 10cm in length), tying string to both ends. One end out of its mouth. The other... Read Full Story
| From : wheelturninghamsterdead.com
Not yet published.
I am not the greatest conversationalist in the world. I have a habit of finding that line that you do not cross….and then taking a running jump and seeing just how far over I can get. Then I will try again. I then manage to keep trying unabatedly until I realise I am the only person left in the room and don’t get invited to sleepovers anymore.
Other times I manage to steer a conversation in a direction that it didn’t need to go in and somewhat hijack the conversation for my own... Read Full Story
| From : wheelturninghamsterdead.com
Not yet published.
It is believed by many in the “Wow, it is a slow news day…we should probably make something up” circles that today is the day most people break their new year resolutions.
5 days in to the new year? Really? What kind of stupid targets are they setting themselves that they fail so easily?
“I will go to the gym more”. You cant really fail that until you actually spend enough time of the year not actually going. I will guess by the way that the person who failed probably doesn’t have a... Read Full Story
| From : wheelturninghamsterdead.com
Not yet published.
Well, here we are. 2012. The year the world ends. Apparently. You know, if you are some crazed whackjob that thinks a gazillion years ago some guy was too lazy to finish his calendar off and instead said to his boss “Yeah man…look…I have gone as far as I can go. When I was on the toilet last night, Jeebus came to me and said ‘You must end your calendar in 2012′ and I asked why and he said ‘because the world will end’. So I did it. Because…well…when you are on the can and some gnarly... Read Full Story
| From : wheelturninghamsterdead.com
Not yet published.
I think I am dying.
You women give it all the “oh I gave birth” and “I am ill but a mother doesn’t stop” rubbish…but sorry, I am so much iller than you women get. I have the worst headcold. Ever. Period.
I can only breath through one nostril as the other has decided to turn in to a fountain. If I stand up and spin around quickly I am confident I could hit someone standing at least 10 meters away from me. If I didnt have the other nostril so clear, I would probably be dead now. I... Read Full Story
| From : wheelturninghamsterdead.com
Not yet published.
Well that is that then. Christmas 2011. All the build up, the shops bombarding you with great offers. TV ads pounding their way in to your head to try to convince you to buy varying amounts of crap all in the name of “This years must have” item.
Then..like a mouse farting in the woods…it is over in a hail of “So…back to work it is then!” and the mind numbingly boring conversations around Christmas where you tell the same story to everyone who asks.
Unless you are me.
I... Read Full Story
| From : wheelturninghamsterdead.com
Not yet published.
**Apologies, the site ate the last copy…this is a repost. if you read it before, its just as bad as before but doesn’t have this paragraph in it. My bad. Sorry.**
It’s nearly the end of the year. As is customary on many a TV station, radio station, news website and indeed personal blog, people look back on the events of the year. Recollect on the funny. The sad. The interesting. Relive those moments that made you laugh. Cry. Shout out “GOOD GOD..THIS IS CRAP!”. A way of filling the... Read Full Story
| From : wheelturninghamsterdead.com
Not yet published.
Yes yes. I know. Yet again it is months between posts. But I will be honest…I have been busy. Not just busy, but VERY busy. I would list all the things I have been doing, but it would take me so long to make stuff up to make me look sexy that it is just not worth it. So I will just sum up the past couple of months in this one photo:
There. I think you understand now. I’ve been VERY busy. I am glad you understand…I think it was getting awkward there for a minute.
But as I sit... Read Full Story
| From : wheelturninghamsterdead.com
Not yet published.
I have never been to Switzerland. Not for any reason other than “I have never been to Switzerland”. It was never high on my list of go to places. The toilet is high on my list of go to places. As is bed. And the pub. Switzerland just wasn’t.
Until recently.
They have lots of brothels you know. Suuure, I am happily married. I have two amazing daughters. I also have 3 cats that I wish I could shave completely bald and scare local teenagers with….but…with the exception of the local... Read Full Story
