It is amazing that I remembered to write this post.  I have had recently, what can only be described as a frontal lobotomy.  Or maybe a frontal enema due to the complete lack of memories in my head recently which have fallen out and are left nowhere to be seen.  But then…frontal enema?  It sounds messy.  And painful.  And I for one am only willing to let YOU all try it. One of the up sides of my new found memory lapse is that I forget where I work, or I forget what I was doing at work ... Read Full Story

It started with a sniff. Then a sneeze. Then even a cough or two mixed in with a sore throat. And then my nose exploded.  Well OK, I don’t mean exploded.  It is still very much attached to my face and looks the same as it always has.  But what the hell is trying to escape from it? I hate colds.  OK, so show me a person that enjoys them…but really…I hate them.  I mean honestly, the idea of some being from another world climbing up my nose and blocking it up, and then what I c... Read Full Story

Dear site.  It’s been 691200 seconds since my last post and I have a confession.  I finally have a bit of quiet time to actually be able to write a post! But first…a drink.  Sparkling water.  It’s not beer, but it’s the way I fly these days. Now.  Where was I?  Ah yes.   I read with some enthusiasm (I was in a rush, thus the enthusiasm to get it read) that fathers-to-be gain on average a stone in weight during the time that the Mrs is all sprogged up with nowhere to go... Read Full Story

come to an end, or have a break…or taste like chicken.  Who knows!  But either way, I am taking a break, or at least drastically cutting back the amount of posts I write on the site. I have a new job which takes up a lot of my time and when I am not at work, I am spending all my time during the day with my daughter as I go days without seeing her when at work, and a 10 month old doesn’t give you much alone time anyway!  That leaves the evenings.  I spend them with my wife as that ... Read Full Story

It is nearly that time of the year when we have the local government elections over here in Blighty.  That means two things: 1 - I really don’t care and 2 - Oh my god I don’t care! Because they are all as bad as each other.  Well, kind of.  Some are a little…well, lets just say that yesterday morning, a flyer was posted through my door for the “Justice Party”.  A party who care for Britain more than any other party.  I know this because on their flyer they write ... Read Full Story

I had a dream a couple of weeks ago.  In it I was told that I would die last Monday.  Luckily, I am still here.  Unlike this site which with the updates I have done recently are leading into a slow and painful death.  I may speed it up soon though.  The death of the site, not the amount of posts that is. So I told my wife of my dream who said “Can you die at work?  You get quite a good payout of you die while at work don’t you!”.  Well at least I knew I would be getting a kn... Read Full Story

Continuing from the last post about Travis the challenged SatNav…. Yes, poor Travis the SatNav with a female voice was not only confused vocally, (s)he was also as damned hormonal as you can get. I am confident that when they created him, they took as much sarcasm and cynicism as they could and plonked it in to the delicious sounding if not a little (and by a little, I mean imagine you have a half pint glass, and now fill it with a pint of beer.  Overflowing?  You betcha!) hormonal Heat... Read Full Story

I am back.  After my very long hiatus…ok, so a little over a week…of driving around small country roads on holiday, I return.  I can hear the fanfare in the distance.  Sounds like someone is having a party.  I wish I was invited.  Instead I am writing this for you.  And do you appreciate it?  Infact, does anyone even read it?  I know I wouldn’t. As a side note before this post, I have an idea for a video post which involves me getting a dolphin and either a penguin or a fish... Read Full Story

I may have to change the name  and location of this site.  It will be hosted by Afterlife Enterprises and to get there you just need to go to your local voodoo store and grab a ouija board.  OK, so the updates will be a little slow because they are spelt out letter by letter, but at least you can make a party out of it.  Everyone brings a bottle and a notepad and pen, and I will try to keep posts down to 5 words.  The first will probably be “It’s bloody hot down here!”. Pret... Read Full Story

Do you remember when you were a kid (or maybe you are still?) and you went to a party and got given a party bag at the end?  It was almost always the same.  You would get a whistle, a chewy sweet and maybe one of those bottles where you take out the lid and blow in to it and bubbles go everywhere.  Actually, they were supposed to but I always managed to find myself drinking the contents of the bottle  and then I turned in to a bubble machine, but boy…the bubbles were not coming out of t... Read Full Story