I have become that which I hate.  That which most people hate.  I have become an “Oh…you are one of those…you should do this instead.  It is WAY better for you” people. You know how an ex-smoker is the worst of the non-smokers?  For us “never smoked” awesome types, smoking is seen as a mild annoyance done by people who aren’t quite as ugly as me and feel that putting something in their mouth, setting fire to it and sucking on it like a lolly is..well... Read Full Story

You may think this is one of those posts where I put up something rubbish in an attempt to get around to putting a post up and because I had nothing else more interesting to write which didn’t involve my cats arse.  Well…bang on.  Try to enjoy: Just recently I have been spending some of my spare time reading the spam comments that get captured by the spam catcher thingie because I am so desperate for friends that anyone…even a spammer will do.  It is unlikely that you are w... Read Full Story

I am having relationship trouble. Things started off so well.  In the beginning there was a mutual love.  That love turned in to respect.  Then, over time, I am pretty sure things are turning more “alpha male” which is causing a little issue in the house. No, my wife has not turned in to a man.  I am talking about one of the cats.  The boy cat.  The smart little shit who needs to have a think about changing his ways before I change my shoe size and turn him in to cream. Just rece... Read Full Story

In the most devastating news I have read since I heard that Pinky and Perky are infact siblings, and not lovers, it has been voted by women wordldwide that Englishmen are the second worst nationality in bed.  Yes, in the world, not just in the minds of the Welsh and Scots. Second?  Really?  Yes, we are apparently lazy.  Just because we prefer it when you do it yourself and we watch the footie on the TV does not make us lazy.  I still don’t believe it though.  Everyone hates Englishmen,... Read Full Story

I read a news story that said an elderly man blew peppers in to women’s faces because he got off on women sneezing.  Sneezing?  As a sexual turn on?  I guess it is something different, and if you hang around a Dr’s surgery, you will have an unlimited supply of material to feed the stoat with, and when you are red raw, you can even see a Dr. And if you are in the UK, seeing a Dr doesn’t cost anything, so it really is getting your kicks for free.  But reading the story raised... Read Full Story

It’s always the same. You are sitting with a girl.  She sits on your lap.  She wants to cuddle.  You want to watch the TV. She cries.  Becomes needy and attention demanding. You give her attention, but you have one eye on the TV.  You waited all week to watch this, and NOW she gets all needy.  It’s like she knew you wanted to and is doing all she can to stop you. Stroking her head, she finally falls asleep, and you get to watch the TV.  Bliss.  The silence.  Her head rests agains... Read Full Story

A British guy who may or may not be a little bit of a nutcase (why did he have to be a fellow Brit?  I mean holy hell!) is considering suing our largest supermarket chain because he was asked to leave for wearing a hood. Oh, did I mention he is the “Jedi church leader of the International Church of Jediism”?  Hang on.  What?  Yes, Mr AllThere founded the Church and because he founded it, he has strict rules about what you can and cannot wear when you are a member of Team ChurchSu... Read Full Story

The makers of Viagra (I can hear the filtering service for the people that receive this post by email working overtime) are working on a cream to replace the familiar little blue tablet.  Did I say familiar? And blue?  And little?  I mean “to replace what they use now. ” Is it a tablet?  I don’t know! Stop looking at me. What next?  Headache tablets replaced by smashing a rock in to your foot to displace the pain?  Jamming a spoon in your eye to cure an itchy butt crack?  I... Read Full Story

There I was, minding my own business.  Reading a news site I like to read (it has pictures!) and then…screaming at me from the page…was the most pointless news story in the world.  Filler if you will.  “We have to use up this column…what can we put there?  There is no real news…anyone got anything?” would have been the calls around the room.  And then someone, I am guessing for a laugh, said “Hey, I got something!” and they printed it.  I check... Read Full Story

In the last couple of weeks, my daughter has taken the big move from crawling to walking.  Another way of saying that, is saying watching her “walk” bares a similar resemblance to watching ET in the slow moving queue for the toilet.  And he just had a big dose of MSG.  And he is MSG intolerant.  Actually, she talks about as much as ET does too.  And it sure as hell isn’t English.  Her walk is more of a waddle done by a zombie in those films that make me cry and not sleep at... Read Full Story