Guest-Posting Wthout a Net. Part 2. Brent Diggs

Temporal Security

As a concerned citizen of the world, you are no doubt aware of the many threats posed by the advent of time travel.*

Thanks to the diligent efforts of Hollywood, even the most scientifically illiterate individuals are well versed in the some of the top dangers set to emanate from the future: angry cyborgs, alien ninjas, and lazy college students looking for a little less history to study.**

Every survivalist worth his or her sodium content is now ready for such potential onslaughts, but what separates the dedicated from the dilettante and the professional from the peon is this:

How well are you prepared to handle threats from the past?

That's right, the past.

You see, the most insidious thing about time travel, among a long and highly competitive list of evils, is that you never know when exactly in the timestream it's going to turn up or from whence it will have arrived.***

For example what if a surly Viking warrior were to appear upon on your doorstep, would you be adequately prepared to toast his health?

What about a medieval knight, or a Mongol horde, or even Al Capone?****

How do you think these well armed and highly temperamental historical figures would handle such an indignity?

Would they participate in mediation? Go with you to group therapy? Register a grievance with the local henchmen's union?

Or would a more likely response would be the sudden infusion of lead, steel, or possibly bronze into your personal anatomy?

You could, of course, avoid all such unpleasantness with a proper assortment of wooden drinking vessels.

That is why temporal security consultants everywhere recommend Don Lewis Designs as their renaissance vessel supplier of choice, because Don Lewis make the finest, aesthetically pleasing, most Viking resistant wooden drinking goblets on the face of the planet.

If you love your family and value your continued respiration, you owe it to yourself to visit Don Lewis Designs today.


* Although Time Travel Technology (T3) has not been advented in this timeline, it's discovery in any future, past, or alternate present is a danger to all of us, everywhen.

**I am referring of course to Terminator, Alien Sorority Ninjas of Death, and Bill and Ted Go To College, respectively.  If your specific history/presentry does not include any of these cultural treasures, it is a sure sign of temporal tampering.

***The necessity of using Shakespearian grammar to describe the complex chronology of time travel is either ironic, or a sure sign that old Bill was doing some time-hopping of his own.

****After years of drinking from boots and bathtubs, I'm sure Capone would be happy drink from any vessel that had not previously housed human anatomy.

(The preceding public service announcement was provided by Brent Diggs of  The Ominous Comma and Danger Couch fame. Brent is currently on hiatus from humor blogging while doctors search frantically for a cure. Please give generously. If not for him....Then do it for his children.)