Shut it and listen

I don’t do well with unsolicited advice. Maybe because I grew up with a control-freak, who told me how I should so everything (and still does), even when I’m already doing it and I have been doing it and I know how to do it, damn it.

Maybe because I know that we don’t all think alike, and that there are some things people feel really strongly about – which means when you start a discussions with people you don’t know about some very specific topics, you can end up with an open can and worms everywhere.

Maybe because I feel that giving advice the other person didn’t ask for is a bit patronizing. Because I know that sometimes people just want to vent, don’t want your input – in other words, they just want you to lend them an ear, not a blabbing mouth.

Of course, I am not without sin in this. I will sometimes break the rule and offer advice. But if the person didn’t ask for it explicitly, I make it short and to the point and put it as “this is my experience” as opposed as “this is what you should do”. And generally, when talking to a friend who is just unloading and venting, I ask her: “would you like my input on this, or do you just need to get it off your chest?” or something along those lines.

Sharing things online means you have to be willing to get input you may not want, or like. And we are all comment wh*res, we all love getting replies to our tweets and comments to our posts, because that’s what interaction is, right?

So when a tweet from me expressing frustration over people whining about a certain thing and not knowing how good they have it spurred a parenting lesson from another (well-meaning, I’m sure) tweeter, one that included book titles and that extended for 3 tweets (which would have been more had I let it go further, I’m sure) I found myself in the position of having to choose between lie between my teeth and say “oh, wow, thank you for the valuable info, I had no idea”, ignore the tweets and risk to have more coming my way (which probably would have annoyed me more) or just say “don’t take it the wrong way, but I wasn’t really looking for advice on this” which sounds rude, even though it doesn’t mean to be… but at least it’s the truth. And that’s actually what I did, risking to come a cross as a completely unfriendly, bitchy, ungrateful little brat.

Then of course, because I am constantly second-guessing myself, I was tempted to send an apology and explanation her way. Then I thought maybe she’d understand and leave it at that. But it was obvious from subsequent tweets that she was offended. So I did send the slightly apologetic, explanatory tweets after all.

And then, I sent one that pretty much summarizes how I feel about this type of thing: