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CWT, St. Louis, MO . The powerful  pro-bicycle lobby, Two Wheels Inspiring Tomorrow, announced a "no holds barred" push to block the retail introduction of the "Lane-Changer," a robotic automobile accessory that claims the ability to safely "reposition" slow moving cyclists and clear the road ahead for stalled motor vehicle traffic. The inventor, Niles Percocet, believes, "the Lane-Changer will be a boon to both cyclists and motorists. Bicycles slowing automobile traffic to a crawl will be... Read Full Story

CWT, Washington, D.C . A knowledgeable source inside the National Institutes of Health revealed to reporters at CWT's Capitol Bureau the details of a genetic map confirming President Barack Obama has the recently identified "conservative gene" as part of his unique DNA profile. "When the liberal gene was identified in 2010, we logically assumed there would be a corresponding conservative marker," our source, requesting complete anonymity,  reported to CWT ; "When we began our search for... Read Full Story

CWT, Miami. A confidential CWT source inside the Bahamian Defense Ministry claims that country is now in possession of a fully operational medium range nuclear ballistic missile. The source, who requests his identity be withheld, says the weapon was offloaded under cover of darkness at the cargo terminal in Freeport, Grand Bahama Island, and currently remains in the bulk freight terminal while the government searches for enough willing workers to move it. The Bahamas has n o army or air force... Read Full Story

CWT-Vatican City. Cats with Thumbs Italian station reports Pope Benedict XVI will announce his resignation from the papacy and conversion to the Southern Baptist religion - sources inside the Vatican say Pope Benedict will make a public resignation Wednesday during the scheduled 10:00AM Papal Audience at St. Peter's square. The Vatican press office would neither confirm nor deny the report when asked for an explanation by CWT reporters - several Cardinals, speaking on condition their names be... Read Full Story

CWT - Hat Creek, CA. A confidential Cats With Thumbs source at the SETI (Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence) Allen Telescope Array confirmed to our reporter several messages originating from at least 25,000 light years away were received on December 18, 2008 at the Hat Creek monitoring station and verified by SETI scientists at the University of California, Berkley: " This should have been a red-letter day for SETI and the Nation," our source confided on condition he remain anonymous... Read Full Story

CWT, London, England. A confidential source inside the United Kingdom Office of the Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs reports that Her Majesty's ministers are finalizing a petition to the United Nations World Court for the return of the original 13 English colonies in the United States lost as a result of the American War for Independence. CWT's contact, who asked their n ame be withheld, told our reporter at London S tation, " the ministers are absolutely giddy with... Read Full Story

CWT, London, England. A confidential source inside the United Kingdom Office of the Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs reports that Her Majesty's ministers are finalizing a petition to the United Nations World Court for the return of the original 13 English colonies in the United States lost as a result of the American War for Independence. CWT's contact, who asked their n ame be withheld, told our reporter at London S tation, " the ministers are absolutely giddy with... Read Full Story

CWT, Along the Rio Grande , Texas. A month long on-site investigation by Cats With Thumbs field reporters confirms illegal immigrants from Mexico are being launched over the border in increasing numbers by a massive catapult. U.S. Border Patrol agents on location along the Texas-Mexico border have dubbed the device "Jose Cuer -throw" and are at a loss for an effective countermeasure. "Beats anything I've ever seen," a confidential Border Patrol contact told our CWT reporter at the scene; "one... Read Full Story

CWT, Along the Rio Grande , Texas. A month long on-site investigation by Cats With Thumbs field reporters confirms illegal immigrants from Mexico are being launched over the border in increasing numbers by a massive catapult. U.S. Border Patrol agents on location along the Texas-Mexico border have dubbed the device "Jose Cuer -throw" and are at a loss for an effective countermeasure. "Beats anything I've ever seen," a confidential Border Patrol contact told our CWT reporter at the scene; "one... Read Full Story

CWT, Along the Rio Grande , Texas. A month long on-site investigation by Cats With Thumbs field reporters confirms illegal immigrants from Mexico are being launched over the border in increasing numbers by a massive catapult. U.S. Border Patrol agents on location along the Texas-Mexico border have dubbed the device "Jose Cuer -throw" and are at a loss for an effective countermeasure. "Beats anything I've ever seen," a confidential Border Patrol contact told our CWT reporter at the scene; "one... Read Full Story