Canada to Annex North Dakota, Residents "Quite Pleased"

Pending

Written on - Not yet published to a wikizine

From: catswiththumbs.com

CWT - Bismark, ND. Cats With Thumbs midwest affilate reports year long secret negotiations between the U.S. & Canada are in the " final stages, " and the U.S. State of North Dakota is expected to become the 11th Canadian Province before the end of 2008. If the annexation proceeds as planned, it will be the first peaceful reduction of United States continental territory and the first and only U.S. State to be sold to another country. The Canadian Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade refused official comment when asked for verification by CWT reporters on location in Ottawa. A Canadian Foreign Affairs official told Cats With Thumbs off the record:
" We couldn't be happier - as you are no doubt aware, Canada is seldom at the forefront of global media interest and the country as a whole has been in a rather grumpy malaise for quite some time. This acquisition from the United States makes us a player again in the world news cycle and gives Canadians a small sense of victory over our mighty neighbor to the south."

North Dakota is the 19th largest state by area in the U.S., it is the 48th most populous, with just over 640,000 residents as of 2006. North Dakota was carved out of the northern half of the Dakota Territory and admitted to the Union as the 39th state on November 2, 1889. The state has seen a steep decline in population over the last 20 years; the loss of residents in their twenties and early thirties has increased markedly over the past two decades. If current trends continue, the number of elderly in the state will grow by 58 percent over the next 20 years and represent nearly 23 percent of the state’s population. In addition, the number of older seniors (i.e., 85 years of age and older) will grow by nearly two-thirds during that time frame. A North Dakota State Senator spoke to Cats With Thumbs on condition his name be withheld:
" We're now the ' old fogey ' State - might as well have one 'a them 3 wheeled scooters and a jar of Metamucil on the State flag. We join up with Canada and we get government health care and some new holidays. I'm for it."

The U.S. State Department also refused official comment when questioned by Cats With Thumbs reporters, but a senior insider, on condition he remain anonymous, told CWT: " North Dakota has been sucking the life out of the Treasury - all the kids are high-tailin' it outta' there as soon as they can and all the old folks that can barely creak up a flight of stairs are moving back - think Brokaw and Redford - it's a health care nightmare; if those crazy Canucks want 'em, I hope we can get the deal signed and run before they realize what they bought." CWT learned from confidential sources Canada is prepared to pay " in the hundreds of billions " for North Dakota and will need to spend " additional billions " integrating Canadian national laws and infrastructure. A Saskatchewan resident was less than enthusiastic: " Splendid; we get more old folks, cows, and wilderness - the U.S. gets a bucketful of cash and a health care solution. No wonder they never pay us any attention."
Cats With Thumbs spoke with residents of Crosby, North Dakota, near the Canadian border; most citizens were upbeat about the pending change of nationality:

" I've been buyin' my prescriptions there for years - lots cheaper, " Gretta Trollope told our reporter; " I think those Mounties are pretty sharp, too." Kirby Thelp and several friends gathered outside his home to practice singing 'O Canada' and calling one another 'hoser.' Thelp told CWT, "Who cares? Nuthin' ever happens around here anyway - may as well stir things up, eh? " Ermeline Dissel, an elementary school teacher, told CWT, " it will be a unique opportunity for the children to learn about another culture - well, I guess it will now be their culture - regardless, they are going to learn about it." Lemmet Furl, a lifelong North Dakotan, said, " don't matter to me - they make pretty good beer. As long as I keep gettin' U.S. television; Canadian TV sucks."
There is no legal precedent for the sale of a U.S. State to another nation - Cats With Thumbs legal analyst, Tickman Scribe, believes, " as long as they put it up for a vote locally in North Dakota and on the national ballot, there is nothing illegal on the face of it. That is not to say there couldn't be any number of challenges to the sale in the District and Supreme Courts, but frankly, I don't think anyonewill pay much attention. So North Dakota goes to Canada - okay, whatever. Who's going to miss it?"

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