ITISHIGHITISFAR

What in the name of Ron Klimkowski is going on? They're saying we got a guy named Moreno for AJ Burnett. He’s 25 and pitched four years at Single A in the Pirates' gulag. There's another guy involved, and I'm sure their combined ages total more than 50. Four years at single A in the Pirates' gulag. Four years at single A. In the Pirates’ gulag. A plate of clams. We traded AJ Burnett for a plate of clams. When we started this winter, our DH was the most exciting young hitter in baseball, a... Read Full Story

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(Scene, dark airport, small plane pulls into view. In trenchcoat, Brian Cashman appears from the fog. Looking beautiful, AJ Burnett hugs him. He places a letter of transit into AJ's trembling hands.) AJ: Brian, please. After these last few days of negotiations, I've made up my mind, I want to stay with you. Cash: Last night, kid, we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I’ve done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: you’re... Read Full Story

In a long line awaiting a bank cashier, I stood mulling my long-lost rhyming career, When appeared a conversation starter, Said a man, “Did you hear about Gary Carter?” His eyes conveyed a disheartened dismay, “It was cancer,” he said, “that took Gary away.” I just chuckled, then bellowed, “I have no regrets! “I have hated each one of those rat-sucking Mets.” Now the guy looked so sad, I said, “Aww, sorry, man. “Don’t listen to me; I’m a dumb Yankee fan. “I never could root for the Mets, don... Read Full Story

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Taught our clubhouse walk-off pies, Liked by all the other guys, Lifetime four-one ERA. Traded for the time of day... Beat the Phillies in Game Two. Forearms flashed each weird tattoo. Kept our batters safe from beans, Traded for some stale sardines... Pitched well in the playoffs past, Threw until his arm was gassed. Hated Boston, loathed the Sox. Traded for a box of rocks… Always gracious after winnings, Last year threw one-ninety innings! Only thirty-five years old, Ditched so owner saved... Read Full Story

"The end of time will be marked by acts of unfathomable compassion." - Fyodor Dostoevsky - In the end, let it be known that the man called AJ Burnett - who last year rendered unto Yankeedom 190 innings - forgave us for betraying Jesus Montero, forgave us for embracing the delusion that Freddy Garcia has another year, forgave us for putting paper money ahead of winning the World Series. Yesterday, in an act of self-sacrifice worthy of a cable makeover show, Burnett canceled a disasterous... Read Full Story

At mlb.com--Bud Selig's website--columnist Richard Justice pays tribute to: A "thoroughly honest" man of "essential decency" and "sensitivity on racial fairness issues." "One of the great storytellers on earth," blessed with "perfect comedic timing." A "large presence" who "does not meet many strangers. He likes people." A "friend" of "presidents, governors, ticket-takers, peanut vendors" "general managers, umpires, trainers, team doctors and players,"  who "spoke their language, had their... Read Full Story

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Once upon a time, Yankee authority hinged upon one universal rule of security: If you see something, sign someone. Under the old regime, we survived ups and downs. But we spent whatever it took, and we won four of out five, plus another in 2009... in time to bid the Boss farewell. Now, the Steinbrother heirs -- Hal Jung il and Hank Sung il - have instituted new, draconian fiscal policies. Rather than spending money on security, they want to cut the Yankee budget, send pitchers to places like... Read Full Story