I read somewhere that creativity is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration, so feeling somewhat uninspired I decided to apply the logic. After forty minutes of hard exercise, whilst wearing two sweatshirts and with the central heating on full blast I am now soaked in sweat, and breathlessly hoping for that 1% of inspiration to miraculously appear. So far my wait is in vain.I press on, determined to write a piece for this flippin' blog, having decided that maybe the 1% will show up when I'm least... Read Full Story

Don't use IE!If you must use IE only do so when your PC is turned offIf you must use IE whilst your PC is on, don't.****You can ignore this advice if you are running an advanced operating system likeLinux-Tiger-Vista stable final Beta, Alpha 2.00000446.(If you believe you are using the aforementioned OS then running IE is the least of your problems.) Read Full Story

Families warned of dangers of exploding gravy - what a great headline! Which started me thinking what public service, health and safety guidance could I contribute to the Christmas festivities? The more I think about it the more I realise that the Yuletide season is fraught with all manner of physical and social dangers:Christmas stockings - if not washed before use bring the danger of athletes foot and veruca's.PTSD - Present (Tie\Sock) Disappointment - you wanted an iPhone but got an e... Read Full Story

First aid training today! So there I am pounding away on the naked chest of a woman one minute, the next I have my lips wrapped around hers whilst I blow gently to make her chest rise and fall. Considering Annie is made of plastic, this makes me feel like I'm writing an ad for one of those dodgy blow up dummies they advertise in the "personal" columns.Such courses are a great leveller of people. It's hard to be superior whilst being manhandled into the recovery position, h... Read Full Story

I'm watching telly as I write this, well half watching half writing, you know what I mean. It's been a funny kind of day, got up a bit later than usual, and did some bits and pieces of my accounts, had breakfast, then wrote some emails. - Nothing funny so far...I know what you are thinking.Later I went to see the nice people at 'Crossroads' (The charity not the 70's soap) that I will be working with soon. They were very nice made me feel welcome and very much at home. - ... Read Full Story

On behalf of my hard working and dedicated team, and myself, I am pleased to announce a major breakthrough in the world of science. After many years of hard work, painstaking research, and many, many set-backs, we have finally achieved our aim. We would like to present to you the world's first GM stone.'Rockus lumpus grittas' is the outcome of pioneering hybrid technology. This rock contains the core code characteristics of granite and a tomato. The 'tomanite' or 'gran... Read Full Story

(¡ʇɥƃıɹ ʇı ʇuǝsǝɹd noʎ ɟı 'ƃuıʇıɹʍ ɥʇıʍ ʎɐʍɐ ʇǝƃ uɐɔ noʎ ןǝʌıɹp ʇɐɥʍ ƃuıʇɐuıɔsɐɟ ʇı ʇ,usı) ˙ǝǝs uɐɔ noʎ sɐ 'ʇɐɥʇ ʇsnɾ oʇ ǝɯıʇ sɐʍ ʇı pǝpıɔǝp uɐı 'ʇsıʍʇ ʍǝu ɐ ɟo pǝǝu uı sɐʍ ƃuıʇıɹʍ sɐʍ ǝɥ ʇɐɥʍ ʇɐɥʇ pǝpıɔǝp ƃuıʌɐɥ Read Full Story

My kids used to love the game where I would start to make up a story, then stop, and then each of them would take it in turns make up the next chunk of the tale. I wondered if that would work via a my blog? So here goes,.... Please feel free to add your (clean, non-offensive) chunk to the story by adding a comment.In at the deep end.The back of Jack's head crashed repeatedly onto the rocks on the bed of the stream. His lungs were bursting as he surfaced briefly. He dragged in an urgent g... Read Full Story

When I was a child I often wondered about these things;1) Why is your bottom called a bottom, surely it should be called " halfway down your back?"2) In the House of Lords how did they get such a strange voting system...."The eyes on the left 42, the nose on the right 51, the eyes have it"?(Then I saw a Picasso painting and wondered if he'd done it on a trip there?)3) Was a fork in the road named because it looked like a fork, or the other way round?4) What were House ... Read Full Story

I've done something hilariously funny this week, by which I mean that I've shaved off my full set and left myself with a moustache, and I've gone temporarily deaf in my left ear.Now to the best of my knowledge these things are not connected in any way, apart from the obvious i.e. they both involve my head, and they are both plainly comedy gold.I had not realised that either were so funny, but apparently the rest of the world think it's hugely funny.Had I realised that the secr... Read Full Story