Dearest Cherub, Do you remember our old English teacher, one Mr. _____ ________? I was working with him today. At one point he asked me to name some fellow students from my year, so I reeled off some appellations, yours included - more of this later. When confronted with some girl's names he gave an insight into his depraved mind with this little nugget: "I can only remember boys names for some reason...there were some gifted boys." Well, I might of let that pass if he wasn't looking at... Read Full Story

Dear George Cole, You may be aware that you once starred opposite a thespian named Dennis Waterman from 1979 to 1989 in a television series called 'The Minder'. What you may not be aware of is, at the end of every broadcast Mr. Waterman would sing you a song from his own head. Here are some highlights: 1. I could be so good for you. I'll do it like you want me to. Love you like you want me to. There ain't nothing I can't go through . . . I'll be so good for you. 2. I could be so good for... Read Full Story

Dear Neddy, As you know I am currently employed (George Lazenby style) on Her Majesty's Library Service, giving out books to the great unwashed (I like the stamping best). It was while in one of these said libraries that a Frenchman came in and asked me if he could use our facilities to do a pee pee. I explained that this was not the way we did things here and suggested he use one of the many public houses on the high street to empty his cock. When given this more than helpful information... Read Full Story

Dear Neddy, Can you explain your photograph Neddy? It seems to me that the craggy-faced man is asking Charlie Chaplin for a handout, but Chaplin is only interested in advertising his new film 'Don't Attack Iran'. Is this photograph meant to show how self-absorbed mankind is? Or is the fat man the main focus of your concern? He looks a right wrong 'un and no mistake. Did you investigate him further? I watched 'Hancock and Joan' last night. Monsieur Hancock's antics reminded me of one Neddy... Read Full Story

 So here we are, the end of the article? Had fun? Me too! Read Full Story

Dear Teddy, I am writing the following letter to you in the style of a news report, as it is, indeed, big news. The Sandy Lane, home to Michael Winner and Sidney Poitier, has seen the Furies unleashed this weekend over allegations that Harold Pinter, a regular visitor to the famous Barbados resort, has been mixing a great many bee stings into the luxury mango juice. Pinter, who has declined to comment, said that he has squeezed the bee stings out of bee's bottoms over a period of several... Read Full Story

Dear The Money Programme, I have had an excellent, money spinning idea. Many men nowadays are choosing to die unmarried. Needless to say, this is bringing a lot of shame on their parents. My money spinning idea is this: let us dig up the corpses of young women, and sell them to the families of these unmarried dead men as 'ghost brides'. This will do no harm to anyone, and will help assuage the embarrassment of many grieving Mams and Dads. Yours, The Moog, V.C.So here we are, the end of... Read Full Story

Dear Neddy, First of all please excuse my hand-writing, I am currently fondling some breasts, so I have had to lodge the quill in my jap's eye. Anyway- imagine my surprise when I knocked on your bedroom door to find it answered by one Tom Clegg, of Oddbod fame. What he was doing answering your bedroom door I can only imagine, but my imagination leads me to suspect sodomy. Am I correct? Yes, I thought so, he was showing you his Oddbod Junior wasn't he? Don't try to deny it, Neddy, you are... Read Full Story

Oh! Neddy! What's all this? You foul egg! What a naughty little title for a blog. What is your thinking behind this other blog anyway? Are you setting up by yourself? Are you starting a porn empire? I think I should have been told of this, instead of finding out from the servants. Anyway, happy New Year, my fine beauty!!! What have you been doing so far? Did you write your prose tale? Did you choose the right words? What words did you use? Do tell. Perhaps I am using some of these words in... Read Full Story

Well, I see you have been winning friends and influencing people, Neddy. Perhaps you and your "friends" should read this extract from Alain-Fournier's 'Le Grand Meaulnes': "To be seen with a cigarette in one's mouth, to put sugar and water on one's hair to make it curl, to snatch a kiss from a schoolgirl wandering down the lane, to jeer at a passing nun from a hedge - these were the pastimes of all the bad boys of the village. But bad boys often mend their ways as they grow out of their... Read Full Story