significance . . . .

More than twenty years ago I worked in the housewares department at Dillard's in Shepherd Mall in Oklahoma City. It was a strange place for me to work because I knew nothing about blenders, microwaves, dishes or any of the other items sold. However, I must admit that it was one of my favorite jobs I had during college. I liked this job because of the people who worked in the other department.

A few of the people I remember are Jenelda and Jeff. Jeff worked in men's clothing and Jenelda worked in Juniors. These two people were very different from me. Jenelda was the first quasi-Catholic girl I had ever really got to know. She introduced me to things I had never considered, thought of or to this day understand. Her conversations and experiences were completely different than mine. To be honest, I wanted to date Jenelda! We never dated she was only interested in casual sexual relationships and I just couldn't bring myself to participate in those sort of relationships. Therefore, the closest I ever got to dating Jenelda was her passionately making out with my hand as she was showing me how to kiss appropriately.

I will never forget the day Jenelda called me and asked me for fifty dollars. She told me that she found out that she was pregnant and needed help paying for an abortion. She didn't want her mom, dad or priest to know that she was pregnant. I had the money and regretfully I was fearful of loosing this friendship so I shared with her even against my better judgment. Even to this day I am not sure how to make sense out of my need to be accepted by Jenelda. After the abortion I only talked with her two more times and our friendship came to a crashing end. I must admit I often think of Jenelda. I remember with deep sadness my inability to place the life of the other over my own needs for acceptance.

On another day Jeff and I were standing beside each other on the sales floor. I saw this absolutely beautiful young women walk into the store. I looked at Jeff and said, "Did you see that?" He said, "yeah can you believe that such a incredible looking guy is wasting his time with a _ _ _ _ _ like that. Boy, I was surprised. A Nazerene kid and a gay kid looking at the same thing didn't see the same thing! I had heard of gay people. I had even met a few. But never did I consider myself a friend with a gay person. Jeff had tipped my world view upside down and left me wondering what it meant.

I remember telling Jeff a few days later, "I don't understand homosexuals!" He said, "Yeah, I understand what you mean. When I look women I cannot understand what you see!" Young, confused, unsure of how to feel I learned at that moment that my experience of the world had not prepared me for people who did not view the world through my particular lens.

Lenses matter! Let me explain I still do not understand issues like homosexuality, abortion etc. . .. I simply am not able to wrap my mind around the world of experiences, choices, views etc. that make people the unique individuals that they have become. However, what I have learned in these twenty years is that my perplexity is not all that interesting or important. That is to say, when I was called by Christ to bare the gospel to the world he did not call me to bare the world to the gospel but the gospel to the world. It is not my duty to understand it is my duty to proclaim and trust that the Holy Spirit works.

One of my colleagues at Southern Nazarene University back in 1985 asked me about all the time I spent with Jeff. He asked me if I was exploring my sexuality. I told him if I was exploring my sexuality it would have been with Jenelda not Jeff. He was releaved-- I didn't know why but I was angry at his seeming dismissal of Jeff as a person of signficance. Likewise, as the years of past I also must admit as I think of Jeff I wonder, I hope, that my willingness to name him as a friend has given him a different taste of the Christian faith.