Don’t Worry, Be Happy! - What Men And Women Worry About During Sex And How To Stop That!

When I think about sex (what I do a lot ;-), I also think about why most people have anxieties and worries about it? What those top sex worries of men and women are? And… how to stop that and simply enjoy a good time? Because I get asked this so often and hear other people’s sex worries almost every day, I decided to share my thoughts on the subject.

In fact, while sex can be a great stress reliever, it can be a stressful time itself. Also, while sex can effectively take your mind off of your worries for a period of time, it can be a source of other worries – sex worries. And there are many reasons why physical intimacy can be stressful for a person. These can include problems like having sex during a period, concerns about the kind of relationship you have with your sexual partner, doubts about your sexuality, insecurities about your body image, performance anxiety, etc. What we worry about relates to our values, the quality of sex education, the quality of our sex life, our experience, gender, orientation, and more. Everyone, yes, you heard right, everyone has sex worries, and actually it is normal to have them. BUT, still, we should remember that sex is about getting lost in sexy thoughts and feelings, and not getting lost in sex worries and insecurities.

So, what those top sex worries of men and women are? Body worries and performance anxiety are the winners, perhaps. Both men and women might worry about their body shape, body smell and taste. They also may worry that their faces will look not-so-sexy during the moment of orgasm. Men might worry that they’ll lose their erection or come too quickly. Women may worry that they are taking too long to reach orgasm; and they may worry about the things that are not worth worrying about like the way her bikini line is styled, the way her nipples look when become erect. Actually, the top thing that most women worry about is their bodies because they feel they do not measure up to the modern standards, media images and confident and sexy models and pornstars.

These are just some of the common worries a woman might have when it comes to intimacy and lovemaking:

a) That she may just pee or pass wind during sex
b) She might think it’s unfeminine to sweat
c) Worries about his penis smell and taste
d) Swallow or not to swallow sperm
e) What her breasts look like when they fall to the sides when she is on her back
f) That her breasts are asymmetrical (by the way, a woman’s left breast is usually a little larger then her right breast, and it’s okay!)
g) What her butt looks like if a man is having sex with her in a doggy style
h) That her pussy is not tight enough
i) Contraception worries
j) That she has too much body hair (especially on her belly or near her nipples)
k) That she has too much pubic hair, especially if her partner is performing cunnilingus on her

Now here are a few examples of what men may be concerned about during sex:

a) Negative thoughts about penis size and look
b) That his penis is too small or not straight enough
c) That his penis is not hard enough or will not stay hard
d) That his weight will crush his partner if he is on top
e) That he has too much hair on his back or shoulders
f) That he is not muscular enough
g) Premature ejaculation worries
h) Whether he will please his partner
i) Worries about semen taste

Sure, these aren’t the only things many people might worry about before, during and after sex. These are the most common. Now, do you find yourself sometimes worrying about the above things? You know, personally, I used to be one of those women who had a lot of worries about sex. I used to worry about the way I’ve styled my pubic hair. I used to worry about what my tits look like in this or that sexual position, especially what they look like when I lie on my side with my man behind me. I used to think about everything during sex instead of enjoying the moment and getting the pleasure! Sex was always stressful to me, until I started worrying about my worrying. I realized that when I worry about something going wrong during sex, I get exactly what I worry about! When I became more sexually experienced I also realized that sexual satisfaction is linked to our emotions and thoughts.

It’s hard to truly enjoy sexual play and receive orgasms when you’re anxious and your mind is full of distracting thoughts. So…

How to stop thinking and worrying too much during sex?

Yes, the habit of sex worrying seems hard to stop. But one of the things that I’ve learned myself is: more sex – less worrying. Yes, it may sound strange, but it works. More sex you have, less time you have to think and worry. More sex you have, more confident and sexy you become.

What else can you do to help yourself stop worrying and thinking too much between the sheets? Well, you can also read The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Amazing Sex, Third Addition, by Sari Locker, a noted sexuality and relationship educator, writer, and TV personality. Don’t be confused by the title AND please don’t worry ;) Reading through the book, you will realize that this book is not written for idiots. It is written in a direct and humorous way for those people who approach sex with humor and common sense. However, sometimes, we worry about things even if there’s no real reason to worry about, and then we look like idiots, indeed. So, as to the sex worries and the book… In Part 2 of the book there is a chapter titled Mirror On The Wall that tells about body image issues, gives advice on how to get comfortable with your body during sex, describes steps to a better body image, and more. You might like this amusing book. And finally…

Some of the ideas that might be helpful

a) Mutual pleasuring exercises, especially tantric exercises, may help you stop worrying and focus on pleasurable sensations
b) Complimenting each other before, during and after sex is VERY helpful, because simply giving your partner one sexy compliment is enough to make him or her feel better, relaxed and confident
c) Try to work out what you think, feel and want for yourself
d) Try to control and limit your sex worries
e) Do not mention the things that you dislike or even hate about your body image!
f) Mention and repeat the things that you love about yourself!
g) Understand that all bodies are different and should be appreciated for their
uniqueness
h) When you start worrying about your body image during sexual intimacy, tell yourself, “Stop that!”, and focus your attention on sensations!
i) Whenever you feel plagued by a negative thought, try to replace it with more accurate and positive one
j) Do not take things sexual too seriously!
k) Remember that if you feel sexy, you become and behave sexy!

Yes, I know, easier said than done. So, if nothing of the above helps, remember that you are not alone when it comes to sex worries! Everyone has sex worries and concerns… and worrying together helps a lot, LOL ;-)

DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY!


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