I thought I might have a problem with drugs...crack for sure..alcohol not really..marijuana..naw. I recounted my first attempt at recovery in the Southern town. I was on a binge...three or four days...I ended up pawning everything I could find, including my wedding band. The fear of stopping...of the drugs running out...I just tried everything I knew to get more. The guilt and shame of my failure as a human being I didn't want to face, the only way I could avoid it was to stay high. How... Read Full Story

It's about a 10 hour drive from the Southern town I was leaving to my Midwestern hometown. This trip seemed like forever. Thoughts of the past 26 years kept going through my head. How did I end like this ? I mean, I wasn't raised this way. My parents did the best they could. I was a good kid. I had a little bit of an anger problem growing up and wanted things my way...and if I didn't get them..after I fussed..I accepted it. We were a close knit family. I loved all members of my family... Read Full Story

At the time I didn't know the significance of "God doing for me what I couldn't do for myself", but somehow I made it to my sister's house in the Midwest. She is my older sister and I considered her the only person in the world that I could talk to and not get judged. More than that she had unconditional love and she "knew" the deal of pain and emptiness that an addict has without being an addict herself. She knew me. We talked and it was decided for me that the best place for me to go and... Read Full Story

I thought that this was my plight in life....that if only I had an understanding spouse that I wouldn't use anymore....why I was still young, good looking, educated ,and I wanted what I wanted then and now...only sooner. Somewhere down the line I became a different person than the person my parents raised. I became a different person on the inside. If Id didn't do something "dubious"...I meant to.One day the disease of addicion would have me in it's grips...and another day I would be fine... Read Full Story

I left the south again...determined never to come back. Somehow I made it to my sister's house. I don't remember too much about the drive back this time other than I was crying alot. I called my sister many times during that trip. Thank God she was there for me. She told me that when I made it to her house that she had a Dr. lined up for me and that I would be OK. When I got to her house...the guilt and shame of my failures became too much for me and I had a nervous breakdown and had to be... Read Full Story

After my sponsor died...and my music career as I knew it ended...Which by the way the career did a good job of feeding my ego and that perhaps I thought I was more important than I really was. However I loved the music...the creating...the excitement of a good show, but the disappointments, rejection and time that go along with it...it's a big sacrifice. When I left the business there was a big hole as I had devoted most of my life to creating, writing, and producing music. I got a straight... Read Full Story

Getting better for me began on 08/08/1988. My first day in treatment in Memphis Tn....a 30 day residential facility where I initially surrendered and went in to get help. I wanted help. It had gotten so bad for me that, at the time, I didn't ever think it could have become worse....yet. While there..I was introduced to the 12 step programs available to me and it was suggested that I attend these meetings and take these steps...I felt so much hope I cried. Although I couldn't figure out how... Read Full Story

Anybody ever told you that you had a problem with alcohol or drugs ?Did you ever tell yourself " this time will be different..I'll only have 2"..Only to find out different.Happened almost all of the time ?Did you ever try to stop on your own...using everything and all the will power you could muster...only to use again ?Did the thought of drinking and using absolutely become an obsession...where that's all you thought about ?When you ran out of drugs....which they ALWAYS RUN OUT..did you... Read Full Story