Hello,Ma and Pa recently purchased some DNA tests in the vain hope of finding some explanation for how we all came to be here. I didn't get a chance to go through the results with a fine toothed comb but here's the terrible truth.On Pa's side the paternal line is a 50-50 split between Celtic and Norse Viking, the maternal line can be traced back to Dordogne about 20,000 years or so ago and hit the UK around 12,000 years ago. Apparently Marie Antionette came from the same folk which I have dec... Read Full Story

Hello,When I took to this gardening racket last June I entertained high hopes of attracting all sorts of wildlife to my corner of the city centre. Nothing too large like an elephant which would be more hassle than it's worth. No offence to elephants I'm a big fan but face it a couple of them charging around the city would be mayhem. I was hoping for something more like birds, bees and butterflies.I'm pleased to say the bee count is high -good old bees! You have to hand it to the bees they've ... Read Full Story

Hello,Obviously it has come to my attention that Michael Jackson has pegged it and whilst I was never a fan and remain somewhat bewildered by the massive media overreaction even I felt pity for him. Ending up as he did weighing a pathetic eight stone, bald and drug addled. In a sane world everyone around him who allowed him, evidently a severely mentally ill individual, get into such a state would be jailed or shot or both. Then again in a sane world he wouldn't have been half as rich or famo... Read Full Story

Hello,Has a festival of slow witted intolerance commenced without me being informed this year? I merely ask because our local knuckledraggers seem to have been rather vocal of late.On Saturday we had our Republican and Orange chums beg the question who should be put up against a wall and shot first and leave me scratching my head. I am of course referring to the Armed Forces Day debacle on Saturday. It could and should have been a perfectly ordinary, straightforward military service. Instead ... Read Full Story

Hello,If you were any sort of company as a child you are likely to recall an episode where you told a small buck-passing fib to get yourself out of hot water with your parents. Only to find it getting out of hand as your parents attempt to take matters further by bawling at one of your friends or worse involving their parents. That is of course where it get's tricky and ever more elaborate tales are required to put them off the scent. I have a vague memory of fitting up a friend over the di... Read Full Story

Hello,As you might be aware two racist MEPs were elected to the European Parliament last week. You certainly will be aware if you read Comment is Free -they're obsessed. For me it reached the stage where if I couldn't see a new BNP article I felt unsettled, like I'd put my pants on back to front but not realised the cause of my unease until I was at the bus stop on my way to work.Anyway on the plus side it has provided an opportunity for the Guardian reading BNP members to put acr... Read Full Story

'Prisons are bursting at the seams, while crime rates appear to be falling. It doesn't make sense'Hello,I hate to come over all law and order on you all but is it possible that criminals being locked up might have something to do with crime rates falling? I came across the puzzling styatement above whilst pootling about the Guardian website.I daresay it's all a bit of a short term fix, as far as I can tell prison appears to be a bit of a failure most of the time as a deterrent... Read Full Story

Hello,I see someone else has fled the cabinet, no doubt by the time I complete this post someone else will be jumping ship. I am troubled by the departure of Caroline Flint, though because it put's me in the position of siding with Brown. Ms Flint reckons that Gordon Brown has treated her as 'female window dressing'. I don't like to defend sexism or tokenism of that sort but in all seriousness what else was he meant to do with her? Let's face it she's easy on the eye b... Read Full Story

Hello,I was out on one of my strolls round yon internet when I dropped in to the excellent SNP Tactical Voting blog and came across this article regarding Jim Devine MP and his mysterious tradesmen which points out an inconsistency in Mr Devine's fantastic tale of men in pubs and woodworking publicans. I must say it's all most unfortunate.However what caught my eye was a comment left by an anonymous poster, who really should have put their name to it so that we could all have bought t... Read Full Story

Hello,Off my tits as I am on two weeks of lovely medication I am feeling somewhat better then when I last blogged. So much so that I've declared war in defence of my garden. The student led destruction of my garden continues unabated, a fridge, kitchen unit, drawers and umpteen bags of rubbish have now been dumped atop my poor plants and seedlings.It's hard to say exactly what ended my state of defeat, prescription drugs were part of it but the outrage of some of my neighbours at the ... Read Full Story