Hello,Having spent the best part of today trying to talk in a soothing manner to an extremely distressed and disturbed chap who is being driven mad by 'these waves' and believes that his appliances are telling him to kill people, I have gone from being quite cheery to despairing for humanity.Not being at all qualified to deal with this sort of thing I confess I felt somewhat out of my depth. One wonders what was going on in his mind, though not have as much as I wonder what was going on the m... Read Full Story

Hello,It's not the most startling or original observation in the world but I am compelled to repeat it -Sting and his awful wife are tools of the devil. Look at them. I've seen people assaulted for less. Come to think of it I've been assaulted for less.Cheerio Top Stories Read Full Story

Hello,Have any of you ever visited Trafalgar Square? I have and it's pleasant enough as squares go but I can't help but think it could do with livening up. Happily I think I've found just the plan.Those wacky fundaloons at Islam4UK have taken a break from shouting at servicemen and annoying folk to cast their disapproving eyes over Trafalgar Square. Thankfully they've come up with something more constructive than shouting at it and have rather thoughtfully put together a plan to make it more ... Read Full Story

Hello,I was pootling about the internet when I stumbled across this old rant by and I regret to inform you, I'm not joking, my brother's favourite comedian, Jim Davidson. Today's strut across the plains of the internet has been like a very strange dream. First up I got an email calling me a 'murderous Jew cunt' for no discernible reason and which murderous cunt aside lacks accuracy. Then I saw this , then this before finally encountering the full loopiness of Davidson. I really wonder if I ha... Read Full Story

Hello,Good God, I see Tracey Emin is pulling a Phil Collins and threatening to leave the country for tax purposes. Well don't let the door bang your arse on the way out, dear. I know it's always argued that if you say anything snide about someone rich moaning about tax it's because one is jealous and has posters of Arthur Scargill on the wall. I can't speak for anyone else because in order to do so I'd have to make the effort to find out what they think and I can't be bothered. It won't be in... Read Full Story

Hello,Something has been troubling me for a while now. First some background. I can be quite sensitive about certain things. Well that's what they tell me, I believe I just have higher standards than most other people but whatever, I have been known to attract derisive laughter when I explain what's troubling me. Make of that what you will.I came off the happy pills a while back and a few initial wobbles aside it's gone quite well until now. I can be walking along the street quite happily whe... Read Full Story

Hello,In a week that saw the Sugababes become pop's very own version of Trigger's broom I have decided to turn my attention to the increasingly dull world of music. I know everyone complains about music as they get older but I've been sat next to the office radio all day which I am convinced must violate one of my more important human rights. At least folk in previous generations had the luxury of saying 'it's just noise', 'it all sounds the same' and 'is that a man or a women?'. What questio... Read Full Story

Hello,Good Lord as if we didn't have enough anti-social beer monsters cluttering up the place and getting on everyone's wick I am informed that we in Glasgow (why us?) are due a visit from the English Defence League in November. Wow! I can just see that bringing all colours and creeds together in a rousing round of 'Roll Out the Barrel'.Apparently they pop up wherever they feel Islamic extremism is eroding their way of life. Bloody hell 'feel' , have they all been watching Oprah or something?... Read Full Story

Hello,Normally I write things and people agree which is dull as fucking ditchwater. So I'm pleased to announce that I've miffed someone but instead of bombarding me with mad emails they've left a comment. My intention was to reply in the box but my answer got too big. That doesn't mean it's clever but I've done my best(ish) and that's all the Lord can ask of any of us.This 'racist Israel' and 'Apartheid state' stuff rips my knitting. Being a minority in any country sucks. Laws, institutions a... Read Full Story

Hello,I was skipping along Stockwell Street earlier today full of the joys of late summer/early autumn when I had a sudden craving for some Irn Bru. Realising I needed a few other messages I nipped over to the nearest shop; my local Tesco. Only to be thwarted. All I wanted was my messages.This is the second time this has happened. The bloody 'Boycott Israel' folk were out protesting. Normally I'd just swan by such a minor inconvenience but I know one of them and could not be arsed having to e... Read Full Story