Thanksgiving Eve in the office is absofuckinglutely pointless. Everyone physically checks in merely to mentally check out. I, on the other hand, had a total of six meetings scheduled before the eleven o’clock hour. Each meeting ended about ten minutes in, on average. Guess it helps when your opening liner is “Why the fuck are we here today?” Everyone chuckles and “The End;” meeting over. After a disappointing troll around the office for Thanksgiving treats, I dec... Read Full Story

Smoke testing...just another joy in the world of IT. After every major systems release, I'm the lucky bitch that coordinates smoke testing activities. This requires a keg of caffeine and a headset surgically planted in your ear. Smoke tests occur right after code has been dropped into production and right before all the fucktarded users come into the office to actually use that code. This last systems release required smoke testing to begin at four o'clock in the morning. We had exactly sixty... Read Full Story

 After another disappointing call with the IT Operations Support Team...   Some people don't take warning's seriously. They'll learn. Read Full Story

Unlike last year, Halloween in the office this year was a bust. Well, I take that back; not a complete bust. The two and a half day off-site meetings this week made it difficult to pull everything together. Even worse, they made us check in our Blackberries and iPhones to keep us from being distracted. That, of course, made it even more difficult to plan anything. Day one was complete drag. Not because I was bored to death but because I was having anxiety attacks from parting with my geek dev... Read Full Story

Apparently calling out on a sick day doesn't mean jack shit when you've got a company issued blackberry, laptop and VPN. Got hit with that nasty stomach virus and flu that's been circulating around the office for the past two weeks. I blame the kids. That's right. I fucking said it. Those little germ-infested rug rats pass it on to their parents, aka my co-workers who offer me Krispy Kreme doughnuts. (Fuckers!) So to make up for my working sick day out of the office, I'm going to go into the ... Read Full Story

The Change Control Board (CCB) is made up of Business Stakeholders, Project and Program Managers, IT Leads, and monkeys. The purpose of the CCB is to manage overall project scope, or de-scope, in this case. To submit a scope change to the CCB for review, the requestor is required to submit a formal ‘Change Request,’ otherwise known as a ‘CR.’ The past two weeks presented a series of deficiencies with the CCB process: There is no end date to submitting CRs; meaning, ch... Read Full Story

This week was blasted with the usual work drama of ball collecting and sitting in useless meetings with “Dicks.” I think I’ve proven I can handle that. However, there was a layer of unnecessary drama I was caught up in, thanks to my recently departed work spouse. (No, he’s not dead. He was canned.) On Monday morning I received four voicemail messages from an unfamiliar female voice with a slight Hindi accent. I noticed there was no call back number and the calls were b... Read Full Story

As normal progression would have it, or the lack thereof, I have, yet again, been given a reputation that is quite fitting, yet disturbing to the idiots around me; particularly, those idiots that carry a set of balls. Yes, it is I. Tech Babe is "The Ball Collector." This all started last week in a series of yelling matches, beginning with the drunken Indian QA Lead, and ending with 'Dick.' Our, then, upcoming crazy ass, aggressive, and unreasonable testing schedule was fast approaching. I ret... Read Full Story

The past two weeks have tested me with the idiocies of my QA Team. Ok, so they're not my people, per se, but they were assigned to my project by the QA Director. (We'll call him "Dick;" not to be confused with "Dick from Finance" or "Dick from Production Support.") I just got back from another series of lock-down sessions in Dallas, Texas that was focused on QA. Dick sent his QA Lead, a test data architect, a QA Analyst, and someone from the PMO, who was there to be an objective ear, observe ... Read Full Story

Today was Sydney the intern's, or my man-bitch's, last day. It was three months of pure summer bliss. He brought me my Starbuck's coffee every morning, offered to get my lunch daily, protected me from the "Dicks," and most importantly gave me his pickle when I needed something to crunch on for a light afternoon snack.  The team took him out for a send-off lunch and it was a lunch he'd never forget! Topics of discussion were as follows:  Butt plugs versus ass beads, along with instr... Read Full Story