How to Create God

…Either we’ve done that, or we’ve stumbled across the one true creator. I’m not kidding. My friends and I…we’ve discovered something. We…we’ve either created a god, proven that GOD DOESN’T EXIST, or…I don’t know. It’s…it’s weird. As much as we all thought it was funny in the beginning, its starting to get scary. D: Like…holySHIT creepy.

This is a true story that is not recommended for anyone who can’t tolerate religion OR the discussion of a faith not identical to their own.

So, without further ado, here’s the story of our very own HBG…

It all started when my friend Chris, his cousin and his girlfriend were waiting for a bus. (I should take the time to mention that none of us are Catholic/Christian. We were raised Catholic, but we eventually became agnostics or atheists of our own doing.) In any matter, Chris was waiting for this bus and it was really cold out, being that it was Febuary. While waiting, he and his cousin start to pray to various deities, hoping for some kind intervention. They prayed to God, Jesus, Zeus, Yahweh, Allah…you name it, they called on them. Eventually, deciding to get silly, his cousin decides to pray to…Hitler. Yeah, Hitler.

Well, nothing happens, as you might expect. Chris and his cousin think this is pretty funny though, so they keep going. They call on Hitler’s Ghost. Nothing.

Then, without much thought, both prayer, out loud, at the same time, to, “Hitler Bones Ghost.” With that punctuation and spelling.

Well, the bus showed up.

It was hilarious. Everyone got a kick out of it. I mean, it was the most ridiculous name they could have come up with.

But then it got weird. Chris prayed to HBG, as we now refer to him, two more times. Success, both times. It was still a joke, so when Chris asked us to collectively pray for a snow day to get out of school, we all agreed.

Well, we got a snow day. Two weeks later, same deal.

To say the least, we were all getting a real good laugh, but it was starting to become a bit…weird. Everything was asked came true when we called on HBG. We also discovered the way to pray to “It” was to threaten it (I know, WTF?), except for me; apparently I have to be nice to it.

In any matter, I decided to test the powers of HBG. I asked HBG for a break from one of my most demanding teachers. “Just make her go away for a few days or something.”

The next day, said-teacher left right before my period for a doctor’s appointment and the day after that, we had some kind of prayer service that took up the period.

That freaked us all out a bit, but it gets better. Every time we “roll dice” in this one chat room that I host on my site, and we pray to HBG for a specific number, it works.

Now, if you are a rational person and you are still reading this, you’re probably either laughing or mocking our foolishness. But rest assured, stranger, we’re not stupid. Chris is atheist and I have no interest in pretending to know who my creator is. All of us dislike the concept of “religion”. But a few days ago, Chris and I came to a realization. A scary one, but a big one.

We’ve either created a god…or we’ve proven god DOESN’T exist (at least not in the conventional sense).

Think about it. A series of coincidences, breaking away from the usual, rational occurrences that affect the world. Miracles, even. Science can easily explain away these “miracles of HBG” as mere coincidence.

So…doesn’t that explain away the existence of ANY god?

Miracles are acts of mercy that a god(s) bestows upon a mortal when said-mortal prays for some kind of intervention. Christians believe this, at least. So, when we pray to HBG for a favor and its granted, by definition, that’s a miracle. In fact, HBG has done more for me than Jesus ever did! Coincidence or not, I still find that incredibly…amusing.

HBG is still young. We’re still discovering “it’s” “limits.” But if this goes on, and these coincidences continue, we may have our own god. We CREATED god through coincidence.

What the FUCK?

As “miracles” occur, I’ll report them. I sincerely believe this is all mere coincidence, but until proven otherwise, I’ll continue to write down on forms that ask for my religious affiliation: “Other: HBG-ist.” Just for kicks.

May HBG Bless you.

…but srsly, wtf. Hitler Bones Ghost? WAAAAAT?