I’m not very good at being ill.  I’m rubbish at it.  I’m a woman, I should be great at it but I’m not, I’m pathetic.  You always hear the common myth of men milking a cold for all it’s  worth, well what about me?  I’m letting my fellow women down.  I can’t stand having a cold or flu.  For about 10 days now I’ve been feeling really shitty, needing extra hugs and kisses.  I am such a saddo.  I can’t take it any more I tell you,  I need... Read Full Story

On way to supermarket I realise I have forgotten my purse.  I start walking back, jump in a kind of cab, reach destination, driver stops.  I say, “how did you know this is where I needed to be?  He says, “I didn’t, this is Marks and Spencers.”  Stop!  Other celeb in cab with us.  Is Jennifer Hudson the driver or the celeb?  Driver says, “Your stop is just here round other side of the building.”  What, the huge tower block across the road from my flat?  When... Read Full Story

I’m  a Charlie’s Angel but pre-occupied with pulling some curtains down in my old family home.  I pull what I think is my gun out of my bag in a panic.  It turns out to be a flip-top mobile phone and I wait for the bad guy to come round the corner.  Is this because I wish to be an independent woman but am a little confused by technology or perhaps just a little bit too pre-occupied with chores and duty.        Read Full Story

Would you go into a supermarket, take a plum from the shelf, eat it then spit the stone back out into the cucumbers.  No?  I should bloody well hope not.  But this is what my other half witnessed a few weeks ago and out of the goodness of his heart he came home and told me all about it.  Is this what we’re doing nowadays?  Is this acceptable behaviour?  I’m quite accustomed to seeing people stroll through supermarkets with a certain sense of entitlement; nibbling at grapes, indisc... Read Full Story

How much mileage is there in the whole ‘Britney cut her hair off thing’?  We’ve seen it replayed in the whole whatever went wrong with Britney/Britney’s worst year ever/Britney gone wild/Britney’s fall from Grace. The whole Britney Shears thing is getting a bit old now.  She’s not the only woman to have done it you know.  Frida Kahlo did it (admittedly she was guilty of greater crimes - a mustache and a unibrow).  Now we see the whole scene aped over and ov... Read Full Story

I saw an episode of Friends last night and Rachel’s nipples were showing through a T-shirt, a woolen jumper and presumably a bra because no woman’s chest stands as erect as that without some form of support.  I often watch the re-runs because really Friends was the only US sitcom that I ever liked.  Now that they’ve stopped making episodes of course they’ll still ‘be there for you’ several times a day… on every other channel.  Most episodes I have see... Read Full Story

We are cordially informed that our child wants to punch his father’s booby and take it away and put it on the wall. Just what is a parent to say. Last week he got his dad in a headlock; the result? His father could not move his head properly for a week. Of course this is all part of his play fighting but it is becoming apparent that we cannot compete with outside influences. Our 3 year old does not spend all day watching the T.V (as we are well aware that experts say that any longe... Read Full Story

A few days ago I saw something really wrong. I switched on the music channel and saw some middle aged looking men cavorting with bikini clad jail-bait. I vaguely remember a show last year where random members of oldskool boy bands were plucked from the brink of celebrity death, shoved in a nouveau shite group and resurrected for all to see; Totally Boyband I think it was called. What I just saw was truly cringe-worthy and I thought it was part of the mad reality show music machine. Then o... Read Full Story

In my flat we all are; an Asian family with 3 children and their pet. I feel anxious about this funny looking bony dog which is the colour of red dust or clay and keeps coming at me. The wife tries to stop it but the husband does not seem to care. Does this dog represent the devil or am I developing some kind of persecution complex. I don’t like dogs anyway and especially when they are used as an extension of a man’s penis. You know who you are, all of you out there who are wa... Read Full Story

I’m planning my dream wedding - registry office then immediate party afterwards. I worry about not having enough space for all the guests. I think about having a really nice time with my pink trainers hidden beneath a long wedding dress with the main aim being a good time for all. Isn’t it how all weddings should be though? a good time for all. Clearly I’m never getting married though. I’ve just told my man to go and marry Vanilla Ice. He’s always going o... Read Full Story