I am a visitor here, I was never perminat. Perhaps thats the best way to think of memories, the ones that haunt us, Or, maybe the best way is to reach out a touch the ones that created the memories in the first place.I for one, will choose the later. I am brave and I will not let go without a fight. I want....what do I want? I want the memorie and the cast of characters are gone. I have the memorie and perhaps well, just perhaps, memories were ment to be left alone, left as memories.So now, w... Read Full Story
I'm in a bad way today, all I feel is loss. My thought keep looping . My life has been filled with loss and pain, I don't pretend that mine was the only one. It all fooling me again today. I know that it is dangerous for me to love, because everyone I love abandons me. It makes it difficult to trust the ones who don't because I always on edge "is this the day, no not today maybe tomorrow"My hands wont stop shaking today. the really sad thing is that I sill Love... Read Full Story
I would like to share with you an allegory that I wrote some time ago about a chemical called Molly. This chemical has profound psychological implications. I hope you'll read it and I hope you'll enjoy. http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=drf27gw_1fkf4cd Read Full Story
Yesterday was a hard day to get through. Everything was painful, everything brought tears to my eyes. silly things, you know. One thought that made me well with tears was the thought that someone wanted to talk with me, someone was grateful for my openness about how the illness has affected my life. It made them feel not so alone, and I thought wouldn't that be nice Paul, to help someone not feel so alone. The tears welled up in me. The thought that I could touch a life. Then more thought... Read Full Story
Before and wail checked into hospital for the second time, I knew it. Quit simply put I was directly in touch with god. I have adopted the belief some time prior to my hospitalization, that we are all parts of the divine. We are not separate, and that your highest highs, most loving thought and most beautiful feelings are direct communication with God or the creative force of the universe. However, be that as it may my belief did not stand up to the rigour of medical science. I must also add ... Read Full Story
I have secretes, deep dark, light, joyful secretes. I can not tell if there manic impulses or if there true feelings, that's the curse are my feeling real, honest, and mine, are my thoughts real, honest, and mine. Really its very hard to say,and no one can help me. They are so extraordinary, that I dare not share them. I will share them with you my friends, but I have to say I am so scared that I don't want to ever say but I'm dying to say. Of course you'll respect t... Read Full Story
In alot of ways bipolar illness is very mysterious to many people. They don't understand it. They either belive that belive that it's really nothing at all (which is not the case at all), or they think that it is an illness that is unmanageable, and that people with bipolar are some sort of crazy lunatics (which is also far from the truth.I have what's called Bipolar I , as opposed to Bipolar II. I will explain the difference. Bipolar I is a more sever form of the illness wit... Read Full Story
So how would I leave you? "The finale was Phenomenal", they'll say, with warmth in their hearts, and tears in their eyes.Every person, for at least the sake of supporting literature, Must read Colin Zwiebels novel; THE WAY BRILLIANT SOULS CRY. This underground classic highlights, the beauty of death, and the reverence & peace that can come with it. His wrting stly has an almost etherical quality to it. I will not tell you how I would, in part because it isn't any of your... Read Full Story
I wonder if it will be suicide. The idea sounds some what glamorous to me. The height of drama. A Note? Honestly, don't be absurd, nothing I do in life is orthodox, and nothing I do when the curtain closes will be either. Now, I belive its important to here to mention one thing, I break down, I cry, its all exstremly sad. However there can be a very real art to the way the act is committed.I've lost to many friends to suicide already in my life. I felt cheated, mad, and angr... Read Full Story
