Why do I Think of Them

I'm in a bad way today, all I feel is loss. My thought keep looping . My life has been filled with loss and pain, I don't pretend that mine was the only one. It all fooling me again today. I know that it is dangerous for me to love, because everyone I love abandons me. It makes it difficult to trust the ones who don't because I always on edge "is this the day, no not today maybe tomorrow"My hands wont stop shaking today. the really sad thing is that I sill Love them even after eight years I still love them. All I think about is how I wish they would love me in return. I know that's a fantasy. People say that everyone has had a bad life, that makes me angry because the truth is is that some people haven't, you know some people have never felt loss or abandonment. Now don't think that I have no family. I do have some family and they are so wonderful and I love the so much. You just take the broken peaces and put the ones that you can back together again. What hurts are the ones that wont glue back in. The peaces never make a whole, its always broken. I don't know why I still love the peaces of the whole that are lost, but I do, I love them dearly. I don't know why I think of them, maybe its because, I hope that their thinking of me too.