Ego Versus Spirit — Leading a Self-Aware Life

53% of business people estimate that unchecked egos costs their companies 6 to 15% of annual revenues.
63% of business people report that unchecked egos negatively affects work performance on an hourly and daily basis.
Collins noted in his Good to Great research that two-thirds of the companies that didn’t make the good to great leap were weighed down by the “presence of gargantuan personal ego that contributed to the demise or continued mediocrity of the company.”

When non-productive ego behaviors are a part of the leadership style and organizational culture, there is a significantly increased probability that decision-makers, at all levels, make mediocre and misaligned strategic, tactical and operating decisions that are often times costly. In addition, the behaviors and communication style of ego are counter-productive for employee relations, customer service and culture.

These are statements made by Doug’s guest in a white paper she  published in February 2008.  Ego indeed is a major problem in corporate America, as we have learned during the 2008 financial market meltdown.
What are lessons to be learned here?  What are some solutions?

My guest on the November 7, 2008 show is Dr. Sandy Gluckman. Sandy is a visionary, leadership development specialist, business strategist, author and keynote speaker.  She was born in Johannesburg, South Africa during the apartheid era and has been captivating audiences for many years with her amazing stories of what she learned from growing up in a country that practiced apartheid - and what she learned from Nelson Mandela.  She reveals how living with apartheid gave birth to her book, Who’s in the Driver’s Seat?  in which she shows corporate leaders how to strengthen and focus the courage, resilience, energy and enthusiasm of their employees to deliver extraordinary economic performance.  

Sandy holds a PhD in clinical psychology and has post-graduate studies in organizational behavior.

I ask Sandy about her personal journey and how it led her to the work she is doing today.  Sandy tells us that growing up in apartheid South Africa, allowed her to witness firsthand, the effects of arrogance and egos in leadership.  She saw, what ego driven leaders could do to harm people.  She dedicated her professional life to studying ego and its effect on leadership in the workplace and in relationships.

Sandy tells us that humans are born with an essence, which is lost through the process of socialization and personalization.  Genuineness and authenticity are not approved by most cultures so children develop the need to seek approval from others by conforming to social norms.  Thus, when there is a moment of a sense of threat or fear, we revert to defensive ego driven behaviors and lose self-awareness.  This changes behaviors and causes conflict, poor decision-making, and disrupted personal relationships.
Heather called to ask Sandy how ego affects health, specifically in terms of weight.  Sandy says that ego driven behaviors arise from low esteem.  People eat and drink in these situations to fill the emptiness they feel within.  Thus, ego driven behavior can lead to increased weight gains as people search for that which they intuitively feel they have lost.

I ask Sandy how easy it is to move from an ego driven behavior to self-awareness?  Sandy says that some people simply cannot move there.  Many others could move to a higher degree of self-awareness if they are approached gently, gracefully, and humbly.  The problem is that most people do not have the skill set or the language to understand how to be self-aware.  Thus, the first step is to explain the difference between ego driven behavior and self-aware behavior.
Christie called to ask Sandy how to deal with a boss that makes all of her colleagues and herself feeling inadequate.  Sandy points out that we cannot change other people’s ego driven behavior.  The secret is to be authentic ourselves and not to allow our own ego defensiveness to get in our way. I point out that this takes a lot of courage and practice.

Brad called in to say that he held a leadership role in IT company.  The current economic situation has depressed his team.  He asks what he can do.

Sandy says that one tool to get people into room to create a shared vision or dream relevant to that team.  Brad asks, what if the team feels jaded?  I ask more questions and Brad explains it.  The team does not feel listened to by senior management, and therefore is not feeling valued.  I tell Brad to consider standing up for the team by being a panic himself with senior leadership.  In addition, some suggest that Brad could be authentic with his own team to demonstrate the behaviors he is seeking.

Heather called back with another question about ego and self-awareness in the home.  She stated that some friction had arisen between her and her husband, now that she was a stay-at-home mom, and no longer bringing in a paycheck.
Sandy answered Heather’s question by stating that when there is tension between two people, ego is in the way.  She suggests that Heather and her husband, in a moment of quiet, ask each other.  How does your ego show up?  And then ask each other how does my ego, when it shows up, affect you?  Finally, say what you love most about your partner’s spirit and self-aware being.  I talk about being in a Buddha bubble as the same type of technique.  In the Buddha bubble, one holds a place of complete self-awareness, non-defendedness, and love, while his or her partner is able to express, say, or act out any emotions or feelings in the moment, even if directed to the person in the Buddha bubble.