Don’t Stress Out Over Teen Peer Pressure

Peer pressure in school is a powerful force. Kids need and want to fit in and their self-image centers around acceptance from their friends. As we all too painfully know and recall, peer pressure can lead to conflicts and poor decisions by kids. How do we help them navigate through this pressure so that they learn to make good, health decisions without getting stressed out? On the 20th 2008 edition of The Doug Noll Show, Doug is joined by guest cohost Aleya Dao to talk about peer pressure with teens.

Peer pressure is caused by the need to conform in order to be accepted by a group of friends. It is a primal need to fit into a group in order to gain membership, identity, and acceptance. Peer pressure exists in all aspects of life, and teens experience it for the first time in an intense way as adolescents. Doug and Aleya point out that peer pressure relates to a teen’s self-esteem and self identity. In addition, peer pressure relates to being empowered or giving up power to the peer group. If a teenager is not careful about her decisions, she can give up her personal power and succumbed to a group decision. Often, the decisions are not the same decisions a teen would make on his own.

Anna calls in with a question. She is wondering when or if she should have sex with her boyfriend. She has told them that she is not ready and feels some pressure from him. She asks what she should do. Doug and Aleya point out that the decision to have sex with moves a relationship to a deeper level, involves many more motions, and can be complicated by health issues such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Thus, it is a decision that should not be taken lightly. Aleya tells Anna that there is no rush with this type of decision. Doug and Aleya tell Anna at the longer she waits, the better your decision will be. Aleya emphasizes the importance of safety, both physical, emotional. Anna should protect herself at all times, and her decision-making must include whether she will feel safe and protected.

Michael calls in saying that his life is out of control. He has so much going on, that he feels like he is spinning and he senses peer pressure to try to keep up with all of his friends. Doug suggests that Michael try something radical like cutting back on his information overload. For one day, turn off the television, the iPod, cell phone, pager, Blackberry, twitter, the Internet, and all of the other information sources that bombard Michael. This connection will feel disconcerting at first. However, a once you use to it, you will find that your sense of being out of control reverses. In fact, you feel more in control either have the past. Michael says that this would be really difficult, and his friends might think he is crazy. Doug laughs and agrees. He suggests that Michael tell his friends that he is just going to cut everything off for a day or two as an experiment to see what happens. Once the experiment has concluded, Doug suggests that Michael slowly add back information sources to find where his breaking point is. At that point, he can start eliminating information again from his life and regain control.

In The Peacemaker’s Bookshelf, Doug reviews People Styles at Work by Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton as a book worth reviewing. This is a book that will give you some useful tools in dealing with people who are different than you are. And, guess what? According to the Boltons, that is everyone. Thus, they set out on a journey to explain how to get along despite a vast chasm of behavioral differences. They admit this is not an overnight project. Awareness and a few tools, however, can go a long ways towards success and happiness in life.The book is People Styles at Work by Robert Bolton and Dorothy Bolton and published by the American Management Association.